You Can’t Fix Asshole

The other night at my local wine bar, I made the acquaintance of a woman who, upon learning about my job as an online dating coach, was very eager to tell the story of her and her husband, she whom met on Match.com eight years ago.

Their love story doesn’t follow a typical storybook romance sequence. However, it’s a very happy story.

You see, when she first met her husband to be, he didn’t look at all like what she pictured her future husband to look like. She described her previous paramours as gorgeous, bronzed skin 6-foot-4-inch Latin lovers with Adonis features.

So when she found herself across from this pasty white guy, she was surprised at herself.

His teeth were yellowed. He was sweating profusely, both under his arms and on his head. Come end of the date, she discovered not only did he have bad breath, but he was a wide-mouthed, slobbery kisser.

You may be sitting there like my friend at the wine bar, with your mouth agape, thinking, “This sounds terrible!”

The woman continued, “The sexy Latin lovers were fun and all and I knew I could pull them, but they weren’t husband material. When I started doing online dating I made a decision…what was husband material?”

“She says she falls more in love

with her husband every day.”

When she saw her husband’s online dating profile, she saw the pasty guy was an award-winning editor, had a great job, was highly intelligent and took care to get to know her. What he was not was a bright shiny package with a big red bow and a sign that said “sexy.”

But while she was sitting across from this man on their date, as soon as she would discover his faults, she asked herself, “Is that changeable?”

So when this sweet man smiled with yellow teeth, she knew he could get them whitened. When she saw the dark moist patches under his arms, she knew he could try different deodorant.

When he kissed her and she found it very unpleasant, she still knew he could be taught to hold her face and take her mouth to his, gently.

But in her years of dating, the one thing she knew she couldn’t fix?

They’ve been married for seven years and she says she falls more in love with her husband every day.

He visits the dentist regularly, eagerly learned to kiss her how she liked it and discovered salt is a highly effective way of curbing excessive sweating.

Like a parent showing a picture of their kid, she jumped to show a snap of her husband on her phone — total cutie.

So what are you looking for when you’re online dating? Can you spot the worthwhile fixer-upper, or are you still chasing the bright ‘n’ shiny asshole?