When I first began dating after my divorce, I met “John” on an online dating site. We had a great first phone conversation, discovering we shared many common interests and a similar outlook on life.
He set up our first date for two weeks away. I couldn’t wait!
I got a bad feeling in my gut when John didn’t reply to my email (claimed to have never received it) and didn’t call when he said he would (another excuse). I was concerned he might forget our date.
I emailed early in the week to see if we were still on. John said he couldn’t make it, as he was out of town. He then apologized that he was now too busy with work and couldn’t focus on dating anyone.
I was angry. I felt duped. I had finally met a guy who seemed to have so much potential. Over the next few months, I often thought of contacting him. Am I glad I didn’t!
A friend called with an update on John, “Sandy, you dodged a bullet. John got married (five months after our first phone call – too busy at work and no time to date anyone?). He also has a serious drug problem.”
Wow! That could explain his inability to keep commitments.
“Good relationships are built
on character – not fantasy.”
Pay attention to the negatives.
I had fantasized that this guy was a great catch. If he only got his business up and running, he would be emotionally available for a relationship.
If he only lived closer, we would be dating. If we got to know each other, we would definitely fall in love. If, if, if…
I have since become a woman of high self-worth. I have taken off the rose-colored glasses. I pay close attention to the negatives as soon as they show up. I wouldn’t give a man like John a second glance because I longer date potential.
The next time you start to think “if only” about a guy, think again. Pay careful attention to the signs he shows you early on. If you get a bad feeling, honor it.
Good relationships are built on character, kindness and accountability – not fantasy and projection.
I was lucky to dodge this bullet. I can only imagine what would have happened if I had dated John and developed genuine (not fantasized) feelings for him. I would have been heading for a relationship disaster and probably a broken heart.
Have you ever dated potential?
