First Date Dilemmas When Hes Not Your Type

Gay Dating

First Date Dilemmas: When He’s Not Your Type

Brian Rzepczynski

Written by: Brian Rzepczynski

Brian Rzepczynski

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW, is “The Gay Love Coach." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs and teleclasses, please visit

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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You’re brimming with excitement as you prepare to go out on your first date with that interesting guy.

The mystery and intrigue of the unknown makes those first encounters with a dating prospect exhilarating and full of possibility.

But what do you do when you soon discover during your meeting with him that he’s not really boyfriend material?

This scenario is one of those dating dilemmas that is often mishandled, and it’s important to approach these potentially awkward and difficult moments with savvy.

In hearing the woes of many a single gay man in regards to this situation, all too often it appears many men say they’ll call, but they don’t and disappear.

Or they make it known they’re not interested in such a way that it comes across as callous and hurtful.

Both methods, unintentional or not, are cruel and insensitive.

So how does one go about this delicate act while preserving one’s integrity and being kind and gentle with one’s fellow gay compatriot?

1. Dating requires maturity and skill in social etiquette.

Therefore, it’s important to be honest and upfront with direct and assertive communication.

Just because you’re afraid of hurting his feelings or don’t want to put forth the effort, it is no excuse for stringing someone along.

If you have no intention of going out with him again, be straight up about it and don’t tell him you’ll be in touch with him again.

Nothing can be more agonizing than believing someone is interested in you and never hearing from them again. It’s disrespectful and cowardice. People deserve the truth.


“Our society has begun to lose that ‘human touch’

and it’s important that we preserve good manners.”

2. Your delivery is important.

It’s not only about what you say, but how you say it. Make sure your body language is open and warm.

Be brief, to the point and non-defensive. There’s no need to belabor it or go into lengthy discussions about “why.”

Thank him for the time spent, and a handshake or quick hug can be a nice gesture.

3. Some possible closing lines might be:

  • “I had a really nice time and it was great meeting you. I’m feeling more of a friendship vibe and would like to hang out sometime if you’re game.” (This is only if you truly feel this way and are committed to following through.)
  • “I don’t think we’re compatible for a relationship.”
  • “Thanks for meeting with me. I don’t think we’d be a match, but I enjoyed this and want to wish you well.”

In our technology-based world, our society has begun to lose that “human touch” and it’s important that we preserve good manners.

We need to be kinder to each other in the gay community and develop greater empathy and compassion.

What are some closing lines you have given or received on a first date (or subsequent) to signal a lack of interest in continuing? What was the response? What other ideas or suggestions do you have?

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