How Many People Should You Admit To Having Slept With

Women's Dating

How Many People Should You Admit to Having Slept With?

Girl on the Net

Written by: Girl on the Net

Girl on the Net

Girl on the Net is a feminist sex blogger based in London. She writes on sex, dating and ethics at, tweets @girlonthenet and her book "My Not-So-Shameful Sex Secrets" is available from all good ebook retailers.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

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What would you think if I were to tell you I’ve only slept with one person? How about 100?

In reality, I’m somewhere between those two, but apparently the actual figure is incredibly significant.

When guys ask what my number is, I answer honestly because the reaction I get tells me a lot about the person I’m with.

Explaining your sexual history can often be like navigating a minefield of other people’s assumptions.

It doesn’t matter if you grew up in a small town and never met anyone you fancied. If you’re a virgin at 25, people will perceive you in a certain way.

If you’re sexually prolific, with enough notches on your bedpost that it looks like your bed has woodworm, people will assume you care more about conquests than companionship.

I understand why some women are nervous to answer with the truth.

“What if I’ve slept with more people than he has?”

That old contradiction still gives plenty of women pause for thought.

If a guy sleeps with lots of women, he’s a stud. However, an equally experienced girl is apparently a slut. If this is what you’re worried about, have courage.

A guy who’ll write you off just because you’re more experienced is either incredibly insecure or the sort of person who believes women can’t have sex for pleasure.

I say answer honestly, and then either kiss him or kick him out, depending on how he reacts.

“There’s nothing wrong with having slept with 50 people.

There’s nothing wrong with having slept with no one.”

“What if I’ve slept with far fewer people?”

This one’s trickier, but the answer is ultimately the same: be honest.

If a guy thinks less of you because you’re less experienced than he is, then he’s focused on the wrong thing.

It shouldn’t matter whether you’ve done things in the past – the key question is whether you want to do them with him in the future.

Back to the original question:

There’s no ideal number, but there is a simple answer: all of them.

Own your past sexual experiences in the same way as you’d own your school grades, childhood memories or embarrassing teenage poetry.

Your sexual history is part of who you are. The choices you’ve made have shaped you into the person you are today, and any new person you meet needs to accept those choices as they accept everything else about you.

There’s nothing wrong with having slept with 50 people. There’s nothing wrong with having slept with no one.

The only thing wrong is when people are made to feel ashamed of the choices they’ve made and, by extension, who they are.

Admit to everyone. Be ashamed of no one.

Ladies, do you reveal your “number”? Have you ever asked someone for theirs? How do you feel about telling a date your number?

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