Survival Of The Fittest

Gay Dating

Survival of the Fittest Gay Man

Jonathan Welford

Written by: Jonathan Welford

Jonathan Welford

Jonathan Welford is a dating and relationship coach, author of three relationship coaching books and regular columnist. He heads up a coaching and therapy practice specializing in dating and relationships. He lives in the UK with his husband and their English bulldog named Lola.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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The wonderful world of dating is full of joyous experiences and is soaked in potential for a dream-like future.

However, the reality of it can be a mixed bag.

Here are some of the top tips to make sure you get the most out of each experience.

Create a foundation.

The dating experience can feel a bit like a conveyor belt, with men passing by in front of you. Some will have an expiration date, like dairy products, and others will have a lifetime guarantee.

Don’t expect the picket fence and a puppy after the first few dates. These plans have to be built on a solid foundation, and spending time together creates this foundation.

“The best daters can still fall

into the variety of traps.”

Guys can be very gladiatorial on some occasions.

Some have a game plan that details exactly what they want, be that sexual gratification, forging a romantic friendship or finding Mr. Right.

Some guys are just looking for another notch in the bedpost.

If you are looking for the same, then great. If you’re not and you think you can change them, then you are dating the wrong guy.

Go into it with your eyes open. What you see is normally what you get.

The dating world can feel like a survival course.

You can often feel like you’re avoiding the pitfalls and traps and overcoming your own expectations.

However, even the best daters can still fall into the variety of traps. Like every good boy scout, you should be prepared.

In any area of life, there are the givers, takers and cheaters.

Life normally balances out in a karma-like fashion, but going into the wonderful world of dating with a Disney-like attitude will probably result in a horror movie.

Go into dating with your eyes and ears wide open and your sense of self-worth on the top of the agenda. Not everyone out there is a predator, but a wolf can dress up in a sheep’s clothing.

Only make the relationship physical when you are ready. You should never feel pressured or forced into it. If you have doubts, then don’t do it.

Never put yourself in a situation where you could be made vulnerable.

I’ve heard many stories of guys being chatted up online by men out of the area and soon they arrange a weekend date where they stay over.

Always have a hotel on standby because you never know when you may feel pressured to have sex with him.

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