Gay Dating

The Gay Dating Journal

Brian Rzepczynski

Written by: Brian Rzepczynski

Brian Rzepczynski

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW, is “The Gay Love Coach." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs and teleclasses, please visit

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Do you approach dating with the best of intentions by only screening guys who fit your personal requirements but then throw that all out the window when that hot Mr. Wrong winks at you from across the room?

Worse yet, do you find it difficult to keep all the guys you’re dating straight and then follow up on a conversation with one that was from a meeting you’d had with a different man?

Yikes! For better organization, structure, accountability (and sanity!), it’s time to start keeping a “Dating Journal” to help you optimize your dating life.

Now that you’ve done the hard work of compiling a list of your negotiable needs and deal-breakers for a partner and relationship, it can be difficult to store all that important information in your head and follow it with commitment when there are so many distractions and temptations out there on the dating market.

A handy reference.

A “Dating Journal” is basically a notebook that helps you organize this dating action plan for handy reference.

It also becomes a running log of all your dating experiences to help keep the men straight so you don’t get confused and compare your impressions of the contacts you have with each of them to your personal requirements.

This helps to ensure you make dating choices that are in alignment with your vision and values.

One section of your notebook will include your needs list. Then, either in grid or freestyle writing form, you’ll create a section to write about your experiences with each man you meet as a dating prospect.

Basic demographic information you would include would be things like the guy’s name, profession, stats on his physical appearance, where, when, and how you met him, his interests and hobbies, what you talked about, your first impression, and anything else you think is pertinent.

The most important section of the “Dating Journal,” however, is the analysis of your meeting with each man in comparison to your personal requirements list.


“You want to spend some time

reflecting after each date.”

You’ll want to ask yourself such questions as:

  • How did I feel when I was him? Comfortable and relaxed? Tense and nervous?
  • How are his communication skills? How balanced was he with personal disclosures? Not enough? Too much? Was he a good listener?
  • Was I physically attracted to him? Was there chemistry and spark?
  • Do we share similar values and philosophies of life?
  • What did I most enjoy about our time together? What didn’t I like? Were there any “red flags” I picked up on during my time with  him?
  • Did our personalities mesh? Did he show interest in learning more about me?

The questions you can ask yourself are endless.

The point is you want to spend some time reflecting after each date about their true compatibility with you so you don’t invest your heart in someone who’s not truly a “goodness of fit.”

This will save you lots of time and heartache. You can even do rating scales on each of the elements if that suits you.

While keeping a “Dating Journal” may seem a bit tedious to some, you’ll find it will keep you centered on your dating goals. Happy tracking!

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