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If you are like most unmarried women, the excitement and readiness for your wedding day is getting stronger by the minute… and your Pinterest wedding board is not helping.
It seems like everyone is getting hitched. As my 90-year-old grandma so graciously reminded me, “You are not getting any younger, sweetie.”
Before you give your boyfriend the hint that you are getting impatient, ask yourself: What is it about marriage that you desperately need right this minute? Is it the fancy wedding day or the “guarantee” of forever?
My friend is getting impatient with her boyfriend, too. “I want a commitment from him,” she said. “I just need some type of reassurance.”
She believes she would finally feel 100% secure in her relationship with a ring on her finger. She knows he loves her, but she still has that lingering fear and doubt.
That fear is, “I am wasting my time because he does not want to be with me forever.”
What about the fact that he is obviously crazy about her, they live together, they parent his kids together and have an amazing sex life?
Why is marriage the only type of commitment we see as legitimate?
Between Grandma, our best friend’s perfect wedding, and our biological clock ticking away, it is no wonder why we feel the need to push the subject of a marriage proposal on a committed boyfriend.
We can skip ahead sometimes in our daydreams and anticipations. We seem to be completely ignoring the fact that if he has not proposed yet, he is not ready. Pressuring any person to make a life-altering decision is not the recipe for a long-lasting marriage.
How much reassurance will you really feel when you realize he only proposed because you pressured him into it? And yes, hinting is still pressuring.
“Focus on being happy with your
relationship as it stands.”
Another friend of mine was 20 years old when her boyfriend gave the ultimatum: get married or break up. She loved him, so she reluctantly agreed to get married.
As the years passed, love turned into resentment, resentment turned into hatred and hatred turned into a one-way ticket for two straight to divorce court.
No matter how much she initially loved him, she never got over the fact that she was forced into her marriage. That resentment is hard to get over.
So unless you have a thing for court rooms, put down the bridal magazines, trash the perfect ring pictures and un-bookmark your ultimate honeymoon destination.
The most important thing about a marriage is the relationship. If yours looks like a commitment and feels like a commitment, it is a commitment.
Focus on being happy with your relationship as it stands. Heck, make sure he is really the one for you while you are at it. The marriage proposal will come when he is ready. Take a breath. Worrying about it won’t make time go any faster, so try to be patient and enjoy this special time in your relationship.