Watch Out For This Lesbian Dating Trap

Lesbian Dating

Watch Out for This Lesbian Dating Trap

Mary Gorham Malia

Written by: Mary Gorham Malia

Mary Gorham Malia

Mary G. Malia, founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach, is a certified singles coach, strategic intervention coach and author of the book "The Gay Girl’s Guide to Avoid the 14 Dating Traps." She’s known as the leading resource and expert for lesbians who want to move past the barriers to finding love and lasting relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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You’ve been out a few times now with a charming lesbian.

She really struck a chord with you when you first started to date, but now after a few dates, a dozen or more dates or several months of dates, you’ve realized you’re just not that into her.

The trouble is she’s really into you and can’t get enough.

This is where lesbian dating can get hard.

Some of you just can’t take the step to say it’s not working.

You’re telling yourself you are afraid of hurting her feelings. You also tell yourself if you stick with it a little longer, maybe love will show up or she’ll break up with you.

Whatever the story is in your head, you’re not dealing with the truth here.

Um, can you say “big fat lie”? And nobody wants to date a liar.

Now don’t get me wrong. You’re not intentionally trying to hurt her or lie, but that is what you are doing. You’re hurting her and lying to yourself about it.

You didn’t get into this with the intention of lying, but that’s what’s happening.

“The sooner you are honest with

her in a kind way, the easier.”

So what do you do?

Own up to the truth.

We get caught up in thinking love is all about romance, but that’s only a small part of what lesbian love, and love in general, is about.

Love is also caring and respecting someone as a unique and special individual on this planet who deserves your honesty about your own self in the relationship. That is love in its truest and deepest sense.

The kindest and most loving thing you can do in this situation is to tell her the truth. You’ll relieve your own pain for sure.

She’ll be hurt if she really cares for you, but she can then move on to find someone who can really treasure her. She deserves that.

Do you declare your desire to be friends?

She’s most likely going to say she wants to stay connected, but you’re going to have to change the rhythm of how you spend time together.

Don’t replicate dating but without the sex or kissing. It’s going to send a confusing message to her.

Anything you do that hints at still being girlfriends, like casually holding hands while out or putting your hand on her leg while at the movies, is a no-no.

That says you’re confused and you’re going to end up in a lot of arguments because of your behavior.

Draw a line in your heart, your head, your words and your actions. Don’t keep spending every Friday and Saturday night with that special woman.

Make space for you and her to move on and let a friendship develop. It can happen, but it will take time.

The sooner you are honest with her in a kind way, the easier. Really. It’s hard at first, but it will be easier sooner than later.

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