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One of the most common questions I get from guys I am teaching is probably the most basic: What are women really attracted to?
Let’s be honest, what men are attracted to is pretty straightforward. Guys might differ in their particular tastes, but most guys know what qualities in a woman turn them on and what qualities turn them off.
Some women will find a man attractive from across the room and be turned off the moment he opens his mouth.
Other times, there will be the opposite effect: A guy who does not seem attractive at first glance becomes suddenly sexy by exuding a certain type of charm.
If you ask women, they will often tell you they like things like confidence, passion, a man who knows what he wants, a man who makes them feel sexy or a guy who is smooth.
They will also tell you they like things such as a sense of humor, intelligence, style and height.
I think if you were to boil down attraction into one little sentence, it would be: Attraction in women is the feeling of being desired by a powerful man who makes them feel safe.
“Men who have trouble with their
power have difficulty creating chemistry.”
It does not just mean money or status. It can be intelligence, humor, confidence or just the ability to get things done.
Expressing a bit of power, whether it is in the way you dress, the way you carry yourself or the way you talk, is the first step to generating romantic attraction.
Then there is the second part: desire.
One of the big things guys often do not understand is women do not really desire men. Instead, they desire to be desired.
Once you wrap your head around that one, a lot of female behavior starts to make more sense.
Third, when you are doing all of this, you always need to take into consideration female comfort and safety zones, which are different from those of men. Women have more vulnerabilities and risks in the dating space that can give them pause.
The answer is they desire to be desired.
Why do women like guys with confidence who are comfortable with their sexuality? Because they desire to be desired.
Why do women want a man who makes them feel beautiful? Because they desire to be desired.
This little theory explains a lot about female sexuality. It explains why women prefer romance novels to porn (it is hard to communicate power and desire in a photo).
It also explains why men who have trouble getting in touch with their inner power, and trouble expressing their desire appropriately, often have a lot of difficulty creating chemistry with women.