I’m in Love with a Co-Worker. What Should I Do?

Dr. Wendy Walsh
Dr. Wendy Walsh Updated:
Discuss This! Discuss This!

Reader Question:

I am in love with a woman I work with. I’m 24 and she just turned 31. She knows I’m crazy about her. I want to tell her I love her, but I can’t because I can tell it is not what she wants to hear.

The main problem is she is a lesbian and has been since she was 24 or so. I respect that, but my head and heart knows what it wants.

What should I do?

-Erik (Minnesota)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Erik,

Now let me get this straight:

You are attracted to the most unavailable woman ever. She’s a taboo co-worker. She’s older. She doesn’t want to hear you are attracted to her. And she’s a lesbian to boot!

Erik, darling, this isn’t about her. It’s about you. What would prompt you to choose unrequited love over a living, breathing, peer-to-peer attachment?

My suspicion is there is some deep loss in your past you are trying to work out here. But the bad news is you will never close this deal and will re-injure yourself.

Honey, do the work of personal growth. Learn how lovable you are and become attracted to someone who can give you the love you deserve.

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