I’m Attracted to My Friend and She Wants to Move in. Does She Want More?

Dr. Wendy Walsh
Dr. Wendy Walsh Updated:
Discuss This! Discuss This!

Reader Question:

There is a girl I’ve known for more than 15 years and we are really good friends. I’ve always been attracted to her but we have never been romantic. Lately, we’ve been spending a lot more time together, and it seems like there is a little bit of sexual tension. Now she wants to talk about moving in together.

Is this the signal that she also wants more? I’ve never told her I wanted to be more than friends.

-John D. (Kentucky)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

John, darling, are you sure there’s sexual tension on both sides? This could just be your own feeling. If you’re not sure, ask her about it.

Above all, do not move in with her! Here’s why: If she thinks you are just friends and you hope for more, there is a guaranteed disappointment for someone in the future. If you both do like each other and are about to enter into a sexual relationship, moving in together will be way-too-much-too-soon.

Living together has a statistical probability of breaking up couples before marriage. And if you do end up marrying someone you have lived with, you have a much higher divorce rate. The solution, as always, is to talk things out.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.