Confidence Tips For The Shy And Insecure Dater

Women's Dating

Confidence Tips for the Shy and Insecure Dater

Adrienne Longhurst

Written by: Adrienne Longhurst

Adrienne Longhurst

Adrienne has been dishing out her to-the-point, brutally honest and in-your-face advice — with a dash of humor — for the last 10 years.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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There is no shame in feeling insecure when it comes to dating. Trust me when I say it happens to the best of us. For some, it’s about overcoming shyness, while others have trouble worrying about how they’re perceived by others. Whatever your issue, these dating confidence tips will help you.

Fake it.

You’re not going to become a confident dater overnight, especially if you’re still kind of new to dating. My recommendation is fake it till you make it. That’s right, fake confidence! When you’re chatting with or meeting a guy for the first time, you can be whoever you want to be because he doesn’t really know you yet. Don’t lie about who you are or what you do, just fake the confidence you wish you had. Think about the cool, sexy, confidence of the friend you envy for always getting the guy and mimic that. It’s not being deceitful because even though you’re not quite that confident woman yet, it won’t take long before you begin to believe your own act and start feeling the way he sees you.

Pamper yourself.

If you want to instantly feel like a million bucks and have it show by way of sexy confidence when you go on a date, take some time to pamper yourself before you go out. I’m talking the works — a mani/pedi, long hot bath, new outfit, etc. Putting time into making yourself feel good will show in the way you carry yourself, and the same goes for putting on an outfit or pair of shoes you love. If you put some effort into doing things that make you feel pretty, then it’ll show to your date.


It is a proven fact working out lowers stress and anxiety levels and boosts confidence thanks to the feel-good chemicals that are released during exercise. Hit the gym, head outside for a run or brisk walk, or even pop in your favorite cheesy workout video and get moving before a date. You’ll be absolutely amazed how great you feel about yourself after even as little as 20 minutes of exercise!

And, though it’s not something I encourage doing all the time, remember a glass of wine is like a shot of liquid courage. Sip a glass of wine or your favorite cocktail to help calm your nerves and give you a little help with your shyness. Just don’t get drunk Snooki-style because there’s nothing appealing about being a hot mess.


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