Thrive When Single During The Holidays

Women's Dating

5 Steps to Thrive When You’re Single During the Holiday Season

Dr. Wendy Lyon

Written by: Dr. Wendy Lyon

Dr. Wendy Lyon

Dr. Wendy Lyon is a Psychologist, Master Certified Relationship Coach, Best-selling Author and Speaker. She helps women and men heal from heartache, overcome fear, gain unshakeable confidence, clarify needs, and find lasting, fulfilling love. Since 1999, Dr. Wendy has helped thousands of singles and couples to create lives they love with the love of their lives. For more information see her website:

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

Discuss This! Discuss This!

Being single during the holiday season can be very challenging. It may seem like everyone else is cozily coupled up while you’re on your own… and it doesn’t seem like the happiest time of the year at all!

Here are 5 simple steps not only to survive the holidays, but to thrive, grow and enjoy this season as a single woman.

Step 1: Shift to an Attention of Gratitude

You have a choice about where you put your attention.  You can focus on what’s wrong, what’s missing, past hurts, upsets, sadness, loneliness, and disappointment.  And then you can feel miserable and shut down.  Don’t do this!  You can shift your attention!

Instead of a crisis, being single over the holidays could be an opportunity for you.  If you’re not worrying about your lack of a partner, you can shift your attention to gratitude for your life and the partner who will soon be there.  Let yourself really feel gratitude for all you have now, and the love and joy that is coming to you. How does that feel?  Amazing!  From this new mindset, possibilities are endless.  

You have a choice.  You can wallow in misery about being single over the holidays…or you can appreciate your life now and have optimism about the future.  With an attitude of gratitude, you’ll be more receptive to others, and you’ll be a magnet for people who want to be around your positive energy.

Step 2: Connect With Care & Be a Loving Presence

As you shift your attention to being present with gratitude, you are no longer having a pity party for yourself, and you can put your attention on others.  The holiday season is a great time to connect with care to people around you.   Our neighbors have organized a blanket drive for local people who are experiencing homelessness, and our whole neighborhood is participating.

Photo of people having turkey dinner together
Be present with your family or friends this holiday season.

Ask yourself: How can you reach out in a caring way to neighbors, friends, and relatives?  

In addition to reaching out and offering help and support to others, how can you shift your automatic reaction and try to respond with love when a friend or relative asks why you are single?  Rather than get angry or defensive about the question, you could try an upbeat reply and say something like “I’m making love more of a priority now, and I’m sure I’ll meet my match in the new year.”

When you are on a date, at a holiday event or gathering, or having a conversation with someone, give them the gift of you. Keep your cellphone in your purse or pocket and keep your attention on the person in front of you.  When you are present with appreciation, you’ll be irresistible!

Step 3: Create Your Best Life Now

You don’t need to put your life on hold, waiting for Mr. Right to show up.  You can create your best life now, while you are single.  This holiday season, take time to pamper yourself, enjoy some me-time, and time with friends.  Do the things that bring you joy and nourishment.  Perhaps you want to hike up a mountain trail or ski down a mountain slope.  Maybe you’d like to spend some time curled up with a good book or watching your favorite shows on TV, or you might want to take yourself out to a great restaurant for a delicious meal.  Give yourself time for celebration, recreation, rest and reflection.

You are the centerpiece of your best life.  Who are you when you show up as your best self?  Are you relaxed, comfortable and confident?  You may not be feeling that way right now, but you can reconnect with your essence and bring your best self with you wherever you go.

Over the past two decades, I’ve coached many single women and helped them step into their best selves. When Lisa first started working with me, she had been single for over a year and was dreading another holiday season without a partner. Like many women, she was a people pleaser who took care of others and put herself last. Her previous relationship had been centered around her boyfriend, going places he wanted to go to, spending time with his family and friends and making him and his work and hobbies a priority. She even picked up the bill most of the time when they went out!  Lisa stayed in that relationship far too long, hoping he would change and treat her as his special beloved chosen one, but he never did.  

You are the centerpiece of your best life.” — Dr. Wendy Lyon

In our work together, Lisa uncovered an old belief that she was unworthy of deep love; it stemmed from her childhood when she felt ignored and not good enough. Initially, she was hesitant about even considering dating again because she thought she’d be hurt and disappointed.  As we worked together, she gained confidence and clarity, and she decided that she would not tolerate another relationship where her needs came last.  Lisa completely shifted her old way of being and now believes that she deserves love and respect with a great guy who puts her first.  

Lisa recognized her true essence as The Deserving Goddess of Love.  She started treating herself beautifully, dressed in beautiful clothes and felt great about herself.  After meeting several high-quality guys, she met one who is a great match for her and treats her like a queen.  They’ve been dating exclusively for the past four months, and they’re talking about the future together.  Lisa says they are very happy together, and this is by far the best relationship she has ever had.

Like Lisa, you are also a deserving goddess of love!  How can you bring your deserving goddess self with you wherever you go?  When you treat yourself beautifully, you’ll be treated that way by others!    

Step 4: Clarify Your Vision for the New Year

The holidays are a perfect time to reflect on what you want for the new year.  Most likely you want a loving, lasting relationship with an ideal partner who treats you the way you want to be treated.   You want to find someone who is compatible in all the ways that matter to you.  What would be most important for you to share with your partner?  Committed love? Easy communication? Honesty and trust?  A shared vision?

What is your vision for the future?  Where would you want to live? In a big city, a small town or in the countryside? How would you want to spend your time?  What kind of vacations would you like to take together? How would you like to spend the holidays together next year? What would a perfect day in your life be like?

Photo of a winter video call
Set goals for yourself while enjoying where you are now.

Close your eyes and imagine sharing a perfect day with your ideal partner.  Start by waking up in the morning in the place you want to be with your beloved sweetheart by your side. Notice the sights, sounds and smells around you and let yourself feel how good it feels to be alive and adored by your soulmate.  Perhaps you start your day with a delicious breakfast, maybe take a walk outside together and then spend time enjoying your perfect day – exploring a new place, collaborating on a project with others, doing work that nourishes you, visiting with friends or family or just relaxing together.  Throughout the day, savor scrumptious food together, enjoy the passionate connection you share and have fun together!  

Let yourself feel how good it feels to be living your dream.  The clearer you get about your vision for the future you want, the easier it will be to manifest your vision.  Remember that as you look for your soulmate, your soulmate is looking for you!

Step 5: Get Support

If you’re finding the holidays challenging and want some support, don’t hesitate to contact a reliable friend or family member, therapist, or coach.  I will be home with my husband, son and our dog, and I’m offering a few complimentary love consultations to help you regain hope and move forward toward the love you want. 

If you’re serious about finding love in the new year, don’t just hope and wish for it. Commit to doing whatever it takes to manifest the life you love with the love of your life.  For over 20 years, I’ve helped thousands of women and men, single and coupled, to uncover and remove blocks to love, gain confidence and clarity, and find and sustain lasting love relationships.

You don’t have to navigate this challenging journey alone.  Get support with a personal growth, dating and relationship expert who can guide you to the confidence, clarity and love you want.  Individual and group programs are available to help you make next year your year for lasting love!

Embrace Life’s Opportunities This Holiday Season

You can go to Dr. Wendy’s website to learn more and get your free Roadmap to Relationship Success from Dr. Wendy’s best-selling book with Deepak Chopra, “Roadmap to Success.” With your free roadmap you will:

  • Uncover harmful beliefs that sabotage your happiness and your relationships.
  • Discover how to change destructive patterns that stop you from love.
  • Get 7 proven steps to transform limiting beliefs and create successful relationships.

Whether you’re single or coupled, don’t leave your love life to chance!

You can get support for your unique situation with a Complimentary Love Consultation.  This is your opportunity to:

  • Clarify your vision for the relationship you want
  • Identify hidden blocks and challenges that stop you, and
  • Take a step toward the life you love with the love of your life!

Clarify your vision for the relationship you want, Uncover Hidden Challenges and Take a Step Toward Love with your complimentary Love Consultation.  Schedule a consult to get started.