The Dating Coach Who Helps Singles Regain Control Of Their Love Lives

The Short Version: At Kindling Dating, dating coach Eimear Draper helps fan sparks of love into bright, roaring flames. As a straight-talking coach with a positive attitude, Eimear helps singles come to terms with their greatest dating fears and insecurities. She believes that clients should lead the way to their own happiness, with the dating coach acting as a helpful guide. 

Having a chauffeur drive you everywhere may sound tempting, but do you really want to spend your life in the passenger seat? 

Dating coach Eimear Draper’s passion for helping singles take control of their romantic lives came from her own experience in the passenger seat. 

“I spent a long time being single, keeping busy at work, and telling myself I was career focused and that I was okay on my own,” she told us. But distraction only helps for so long. The instinct to partner up emerges eventually, as it did for Eimear.

I can empathize with the jittery, uncomfortable feeling singledom can bring. Eimear empathized with this feeling: “When the uncomfortable feelings of loneliness came up, I would push them down, instead putting more of my time and effort into my career,” she told us. “I thought I was putting myself out there trying to meet someone but actually I had a lot of defensive walls up. That story that I was fine on my own that I was telling to avoid pity of friends and family was actually blocking me from letting someone in.”

Maybe the invisible chauffeur you’ve been trusting for your entire adult life just doesn’t know where they’re going anymore. It’s time for you to take the wheel, even if you’re just as lost. 

And as a Certified Life Coach at Kindling Dating, Eimear can be the world’s most positive, least judgmental GPS. 

Eimear ended up meeting the man who would become her husband in a most unlikely place — Tinder — and the rest was history. But her intrepid foray into the dating world and the patterns she noticed stayed with her. “I could see more and more people getting stuck,” she told us. “And they weren’t able to find a way to the relationship they wanted.”  

They’d been in the passenger seat for so long that they didn’t know how to control the car by themselves. 

“Kindling Dating was born, which is dating coaching that (helps you understand) what it is you want, what you bring to a relationship, and what your core values are,” Eimear told us. 

In other words, Eimear helps clients acclimate to the driver’s seat. “I’m pretty client-led,” she told us, meaning she allows each client to identify their individual goals and obstacles as they see fit. 

“I have a journey I like to take people on,” she explained. On this journey, she wants you to “get clear about what it is you want, look at what the blockers are, and then create a nice, positive energy around dating.” 

Her main goal is to help people identify what they really want. “It’s about getting back in touch with what’s important to you rather than getting caught up in the noise of dates and dating apps,” she told us. 

Eimear’s clients often come to her with a familiar story. “Either they’ve been dating for a long time and they’re completely fed up, or they’re coming back to dating,” she said. Either way, these clients typically have one thing in common. “(They say), ‘I’m putting myself out there,’ but they’re really not, because they’re afraid.” 

Fear is usually the common denominator, Eimear said. 

“There’s a lot of scare-mongering and bad stories out there,” she added. And when something is surrounded by horror stories, fewer people will trust it. 

The dating fears many of us deal with are nearly universal. “A lot (of people are) afraid of getting hurt again if they’ve been hurt in the past. (There’s) fear of rejection,” Eimear explained. As understandable as these fears are, the scenarios we conjure up in our minds aren’t nearly as dramatic as we fear. 

If you hate dating apps, for example, “You unconsciously sabotage so you can prove to yourself that dating apps don’t work,” Eimear pointed out. “They do, and I’m proof. But you need to have the right mindset when you approach a dating app.” 

Being in the driver’s seat is scary if you’re not used to it. But it can also be enlightening. 

In theory, being in sole control of your love life means you only have to answer to yourself. And no one knows you better than you, right? This may be a healthy path forward for some people, but others could use the unbiased guidance of a coach like Eimear. She can reveal personal blind spots you didn’t even know existed. 

Eimear helps people identify their “why”: Why they’ve avoided romance, why they’ve held off on long-term relationships, and why they’re finally seeking help. 

“(We) look at the old stories you’re telling yourself, (the stories that are) blocking you (from a relationship), and we work together to challenge them. Using practical tips for navigating today’s dating scene, we can create scenarios that shake you out of those old stories,” Eimear explained.

Your “why” is usually hiding whatever it is you’re most afraid of. Loneliness, intimacy, vulnerability, commitment; whichever one you’re burying, it’s bound to come out eventually. 

You might as well face it with Eimear’s help.

Your dating fears just may be the No. 1 factor holding you back from finding true love. But once you can name them, you’re one step closer to vanquishing them. 

Eimear described a coach as being “a neutral person you can talk to (who can) actually unpick what is going on in your brain.” Beyond that, a coach can explain why you’re struggling, and give you the tools you need to finally overcome those obstacles. 

Eimear helps clients identify what is holding them back with her kind but firm straight-talking coaching style. There’s no hedging with Eimear, which makes the coaching process quicker and more efficient. She leads you to insight, but it’s up to you to absorb it and figure out what you want to do with it.

Wrapped up in fear is “controlling energy and judgment”, two qualities Eimear said can be particularly damaging to overwhelmed daters. If you’re constantly uncomfortable in your skin, and if you don’t trust your own decision-making or your own emotions, then how can you ever trust anyone else? 

“I guess the real crux of it is being seen and being heard,” Eimear suggested. She listens to clients and empathizes with their unique stories. By sharing the weight of their struggles with a coach, the client no longer shoulders the weight all alone. 

They can finally trust that someone hears them, and more importantly, understands them. 

Gaining confidence isn’t something that happens by gulping down spinach like Popeye. You won’t automatically become a stronger, buffer version of yourself. It takes time, self-reflection, and practice to finally get into a more confident, positive mindset. It’s not easy, and it’s even harder if you try to achieve it on your own. 

That’s where Eimear’s expertise comes in handy. She won’t drive the car for you, but she will guide you down your path with a much-needed positive attitude. 

At the risk of sounding corny, you may not realize you’re coloring your life gray until someone shows you a brighter color.

One of Eimear’s most popular programs is Get Your Love Story Started. It’s a six-week challenge that you complete with Eimear one-on-one. “It’s tailored to what’s going on for each person,” she explained. You can also participate in the group challenge, with self guided exercises in the Kindling Dating Coaching App and a weekly Live Group Coaching session.

Whether her guidance is tailored to your own situation or is a general rule of thumb, it’s worth listening to. As a neutral perspective, Eimear isn’t weighed down by your fears and insecurities. 

“One thing I always say to clients is to flip the script,” Eimear told us. Instead of seeing yourself as desperate and needy, give yourself some credit as a dater. 

“Think of all you’ve achieved, all you’ve overcome, and all you do for the people in your life,” Eimear advised. “Ask yourself, ‘Am I going to make somebody’s life better?’ I’m pretty certain the answer is going to be yes.” 

Try to see your situation from a more positive perspective. “Dating is not you out there desperately seeking somebody. It’s you enabling somebody to find you, because you’re going to make their life better, and they’re going to make your life better.” 

When you put it like that, it makes dating seem less scary. 

Of course, some of us may have some trouble coming up with a “yes” to Eimear’s earlier question. You have low self-confidence to thank! In this case, Eimear recommends getting a pen and paper. 

“Write a list of all the things you like about yourself, or write about something you’ve achieved that made you feel proud,” Eimear said. “Look back over (your lists) and remind yourself you have so much to offer.” 

Repeat these techniques until you finally believe you’re worthy of love (and spoiler alert: You really are!)