I Developed Feelings for My Friend. Should I Pursue It?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I started developing feelings toward one of my close friends. I’m the president of my club in college and he’s my vice president. However, I can’t help feeling the way I do toward him. I can’t sleep, I can’t focus, and every time I see him I get mixed feelings. I know I can’t like him because of the power differential between us. He is a bit younger and I know it may be awkward if I say anything. But there are times where I feel he likes me back by the way he acts toward me (i.e. texting me late at night, acting differently around me and among his friends).

May he have feelings for me, or should I even pursue my feelings toward my friend?

-Charlotte (Seattle)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

If a college man is texting you late at night, you can almost assume he’s interested in you. The question remains, what is he interested in? Just sex or a relationship?

You are right to consider the power differential and if you two are to continue to work together, you better be sure he’s relationship material before you move forward. A breakup would put really bad energy into your club.

I’ll also ask you to look into your club rules. Do the rules bar executive members from dating. Be sure not to violate an ethics clause.

But if, in fact, dating is permitted and you take the time to ensure you’re attracted to him, I would say it’s OK to date. But let him lead. If you lead, it could be construed as an abuse of power.

This is a classic wait-and-see moment. I promise, the answers will reveal themselves if you just wait and see.

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