I’m 38 and I’ve Never Had Sex. Can You Help Me?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013).

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I’m 38 years old and was wondering how to start an intimate relationship with a man when I’ve never had sex. I was sexually violated when I was in high school, and I still have trouble getting over being violated.

Can you help me?

-Candice (Canada)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Your pain is real and your fears warranted. I often say there are two kinds of fears: Irrational fears based on something that could happen and real fears based on something that did happen.

And the second kind of fear is the hardest to overcome. But it’s more than possible, once you make a decision to stand down from your fear and free yourself from the psychological trap that your perpetrator tied around you.

I suggest you get a partner in your healing – a licensed therapist who can give you the emotional support that you need. And the way to begin an intimate relationship with a man is the same with a woman: Friendship. When you find a man who becomes a friend whom you trust enough to share your story, then you will be halfway there.

Good luck, sweetie. You can do this. It’s a gift to you.

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