I’m 38 and I’ve Never Had Sex. Can You Help Me?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

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Reader Question:

I’m 38 years old and was wondering how to start an intimate relationship with a man when I’ve never had sex. I was sexually violated when I was in high school, and I still have trouble getting over being violated.

Can you help me?

-Candice (Canada)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Your pain is real and your fears warranted. I often say there are two kinds of fears: Irrational fears based on something that could happen and real fears based on something that did happen.

And the second kind of fear is the hardest to overcome. But it’s more than possible, once you make a decision to stand down from your fear and free yourself from the psychological trap that your perpetrator tied around you.

I suggest you get a partner in your healing – a licensed therapist who can give you the emotional support that you need. And the way to begin an intimate relationship with a man is the same with a woman: Friendship. When you find a man who becomes a friend whom you trust enough to share your story, then you will be halfway there.

Good luck, sweetie. You can do this. It’s a gift to you.

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