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If you’re experiencing boredom in your relationship, there’s no need to sound the alarm. Brief periods of boredom are common as relationships endure natural ebbs and flows. A number of factors can lead to feeling bored (e.g., loss of excitement and novelty or loss of interest). These feelings may occur if you’re focused on different things and living separate lives.
On the other hand, boredom can also occur if you’re spending all of your time together. Neglecting your personal goals and interests can be another major contributor to boredom, among other reasons.
Even the best relationships require constant work, effort, time, and attention. How much you put into your relationship directly impacts the quality. So, if you’re feeling bored but are committed to staying together, it’s the right time to make some important shifts. Below are 12 helpful strategies:
There’s no need to panic. Managing expectations and having a healthy view of relationships is essential. If you get freaked out by your boredom, you are only going to feel worse.
While your relationship should ultimately bring you joy and comfort, feeling disconnected or bored doesn’t necessarily mean your relationship is doomed. However, boredom is a sign you need to put some effort into your relationship and nurture your connection.
Your partner may be unaware that you’re feeling bored and may even be content with the current nature of your relationship. Be open and honest about your feelings without using defensive or accusatory language. This isn’t about blaming, ignoring, deflecting, or game playing. Use healthy communication skills to let your partner know you’re feeling bored, but would like to work on your relationship.
Give your partner the opportunity to speak honestly about his or her feelings. Use communication to join together, get on the same page, and invest in each other.
Outside influences may serve as distractions or create relationship ruts if your focus is elsewhere. Boredom may emerge if you and/or your partner are focused on other aspects of your lives, such as career, children, parenting, extended family, etc. It’s essential to find ways for continued connection as a couple.
Being preoccupied by other stressors may leave little time or attention for your relationship, creating problems with disconnection over time. If outside stress is causing boredom, commit to supporting each other and better managing stress, so it doesn’t leave you with nothing to give to your partner. Don’t let stress weigh down your relationship. Stand together as a team while making your relationship or marriage a priority regardless of what’s going on around you.
Leave the kids and/or pets at home and plan a romantic or exotic getaway. Vacations are a valuable way to break out of your usual mold and potentially stale environment. Commit to being fully present on your trip by unplugging as much as possible, participating in activities together and saying yes to new experiences or excursions.
Along with exploring a new or favorite place together, don’t be afraid to indulge in some vacation sex. If you can’t plan a formal vacation anytime soon or are on a budget, spend a night in a hotel nearby or have a staycation. Simply getting out of your home together, even if only for a night or weekend, can do wonders for your relationship.
Trying a new skill, activity, or hobby together will bring fresh energy into your relationship and increase your bond. Plan something exciting that you haven’t done before, such as salsa dancing, rock climbing, marathon running, kayaking, or signing up for an art, cooking, photography, or pottery class. The key is picking anything that feels new, exciting, adventurous and different.
Consider causes, charitable organizations, and volunteer opportunities that are mutually important to you and make time to get involved together. Volunteering as a couple is bound to lead to interesting conversation topics, as well as help you get out of your mind and improve your mental health.
Bring back those butterflies you felt at the beginning. If it’s challenging to access those feelings now, consider how you can recapture what you felt before. Go back to the beginning of early dating and recreate your first or favorite dates. Eating at the same restaurants, participating in the same activities or visiting the same parks, streets, bars, or places together will bring back fond memories of your love story.
It’s important to examine how your perception of your relationship may be creating boredom. For example, do you believe being in a comfortable, stable relationship with a consistent routine is boring? Or is it the happiness, security, and stability you’re seeking? Can you shift your mindset to be more grateful about your relationship? Often boredom stems from taking your partner for granted, comparing your relationship to others and believing something is wrong with simply being comfortable.
Also if you grew up in a chaotic or dysfunctional household, you may have a distorted view of relationships. A relationship that is actually healthy may appear boring in contrast to what you’ve experienced in the past, but that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. Your perception matters big time.
Scheduling consistent date nights is a must, but ensuring date night doesn’t become boring is just as important. Doing the same thing over and over again can get old. If you’re simply going on dates out of obligation or routine, you may be in trouble.
Go on dates with the intention of connecting, growing and learning more about each other. Change up plans and places for dates by checking out new restaurants, movies, local events, etc. Get dressed up, put in some effort, and have fun.
While trying new experiences together will help bring exciting energy into your relationship, simply making time for activities and interests you both enjoy is also a boredom crusher. If you previously bonded over bowling, schedule a bowling date night. If you both love to read, create your own two-person book club. If you bond over road trips, plan a trip and take a drive. Research when your favorite bands are coming to town and get tickets.
Again, boredom is often a symptom of not focusing on your partner or being distracted by external factors. Ask yourself, “What can I do more of to nurture my relationship and connect with my partner?”
Make time for each other on a daily basis, and find creative ways to show up for your partner. Also consider how you and your partner show and receive love. The little things matter, so what you do on a daily basis goes a long way.
Taking care of yourself and your mental health, as well as engaging in activities that make you feel happy and rejuvenated, will have a positive impact on your relationship. Feeling satisfied with your own life supports you in maintaining realistic expectations of your partner. Make time to pursue your personal passions and interests. Have a healthy support network and important relationships with people other than your partner.
By understanding that boredom can be a natural part of relationships, you can better assess and address any issues and utilize proactive strategies to keep passion and connection alive. Being bored doesn’t mean your relationship or marriage is over, but it does mean it’s time to bring in some new life and put in effort to connect on a deeper level.