The 6 Qualities Successful Daters Have — According to a Matchmaker

In my 27 years working as a professional matchmaker, I’ve watched as the dating landscape has changed with advancements in technology and societal shifts. 

Daters have navigated how to use dating apps, texting etiquette, the #MeToo movement, dating during a pandemic, and changing views on gender roles. There is a lot of noise out there, so how do successful daters stay the course and build connections with ease? 

In my experience, the most successful daters have these core qualities:

Effective communication is essential in all relationships. Great daters know how to express their needs, ask engaging questions, and make the person they are with feel seen and understood. 

They show genuine interest in their date by going beyond superficial small talk and truly getting to know each other. They understand that the key to a great first date is to listen more than you speak.

Confidence is sexy, and it can make up for your other shortcomings, but the most successful daters understand how to balance confidence with humility. They understand that name-dropping and bragging is a huge turn-off. Their confidence stems from self-awareness, and this confidence immediately puts their date at ease.

Dating is not for the faint of heart! It requires the ability to handle rejection, face setbacks, experience failure, and to keep moving forward. You need to be resilient.

Those who succeed view setbacks as an opportunity to grow and get better. They understand that not every date will be the one, but see each interaction as an opportunity for growth. They reflect on what has worked and what hasn’t and look at the lessons that can be learned from each experience.

Successful daters approach dating with optimism rather than cynicism. They believe the right person is out there, and they focus on looking for reasons why it could go right, rather than thinking about all the reasons it could go wrong. 

They are optimistic about finding a meaningful connection, which makes them more attractive to potential partners.

While the right relationship will enhance your life, great daters don’t rely on them for their current state of happiness. They already have fulfilled lives — pursuing hobbies, careers, travel, and friendships that bring them love. 

This sense of independence makes them attractive partners, as they contribute to a relationship rather than just looking to be on the receiving end. The most successful daters are the ones who bring something to the table in a relationship.

We’ve all heard the saying that good things come to those who wait. That saying often rings true for dating. Finding the right person doesn’t happen overnight. Instead of trying to force a connection, successful daters trust the process. 

They recognize that instant chemistry might feel good in the moment, but isn’t an indicator of true compatibility. 

They look for shared values, mutual effort, and the ability to laugh easily with someone. They focus on finding the qualities that will make someone a good life partner.

I’ve successfully matched singles for almost three decades, and the secret to my success is that I choose my clients carefully. I look for singles who are confident, growth-oriented, self-aware, positive, and know how to communicate effectively. 

These are the singles who are great relationship material. And I know I can get them into great relationships! They can trust me and trust the process because they lead beautiful, fulfilled lives and are willing to wait for the right partner to add to the joy they already have. 
If you are single and navigating the dating scene without the luxury of hiring a professional matchmaker, remember that success has more to do with your mindset than with someone finding you the perfect match!