We Have Different Views on Money. How Do I Get Him to Act His Age?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh is the author of "The 30-Day Love Detox"" (April 2013).

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles and reports have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement.

Discuss This! Discuss This!
Advertiser Disclosure

Reader Question:

I have been with my boyfriend for close to two years. I’m 21 and he’s 27. He makes me laugh and he is good to me, but our views on money are completely different. I am finishing up my last year in school and work 20-30 hours per week. I’m responsible with my money and have quite a bit saved up.

He works as a server and he either doesn’t make any money or he’s doing something I don’t know about. I’m not materialistic, but I don’t want to live like that. He wants to live together, but I know all the financial burden will fall on me.

How do I convince him to act his age and get his shit together?

-Candice (Kentucky)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Candice,

What a responsible young woman you are. Congratulations on being so financially smart.

My first reaction is to warn you not to cohabitate with this man. Couples who live together have lower rates of marriage and if they do marry, they have higher divorce rates.

But on to your real question. How do you convince him to “get his shit together?”

Honey, we can’t ever make someone change. That change has to come from inside them.

However, we CAN enable someone to maintain their bad habits. If you are paying for things and silently consenting to his poor money management, then you are enabling him.

Now first, know this: People rarely respond to nagging.

So the only thing he’ll respond to is behavior. Ask yourself what you can do to send a message you are ready to move forward without him if need be.

I must say, though, differing money styles aside, the phrase in your email that struck me the most is “or he’s doing something I don’t know about.”

What could this be? And why would you not know about it?

Please don’t comingle your finances with someone who keeps money secrets. You could be inheriting his debt.

Find out more about this man before you move forward.

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

Advertiser Disclosure

DatingAdvice.com is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). DatingAdvice.com does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.

Our Editorial Review Policy

Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.