What To Do If There Are No Sparks

Women's Dating

What to Do if There Are No Sparks

Nick Slade

Written by: Nick Slade

Nick Slade

Nick spent 20 years in the dating scene before marriage. He has always been the guy friends would come to for advice on relationships, and he developed a knack for giving helpful insights. After college, Nick was a disc jockey for a few years, when the love generation was still alive, so Nick has a lot of relevant experience to draw from when it comes to every aspect of dating, falling in love and screwing things up. He holds Bachelor's degree in humanities and a slew of master’s credits in journalism. Nick is a news junkie and tries to keep up on the latest non-fiction when he has time. He has published two books on how to win at dating and relationships.

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Have you ever felt an overwhelming attraction toward a man that you couldn’t explain? He’s no hunky movie star but there’s just something about him. And then there’s that other guy who has everything on your checklist but you just don’t feel a connection.

Is there really such a thing as romantic chemistry? And should you depend on it to guide you in selecting dates and taking relationships to the next level? Let’s take a look and see.

Scientific journals confirmed in 1986 that human pheromones do exist. These are literally chemicals men and women emit to attract and arouse each other, so there is a physiological basis for the concept of romantic “chemistry.” Still, are one man’s pheromones any different from the next man’s? Science hasn’t given us that answer yet.

But there must be more to it than aromatic animal scents triggering primal urges. Maybe it’s a sixth sense or female intuition that gives you a visceral response and instant connection with a guy who is right for you. Or, maybe you’ve been inexplicably smitten. But remember, “smitten” is the past tense of “smite.” You know, as in clobbered over the head with a big club and overwhelmed.


“Without question, we all want a

relationship that has magic and passion.”

The best way to look at it is to realize attraction comes from a combination of the body, heart and mind. Said another way, love is generated from physical desire, honest emotion and the perceived fulfillment of our practical needs. The right combination of each in a beaker can cause steam and sparks to fly. A missing element or imbalance can give you a concoction that is flat, unstable or even one that ends with a deadly explosion.

Sparks are real, but they aren’t reliable for long-term answers.  Sometimes instant sparks can be the result of physical desire alone. A romance that starts fast and furiously will burn hot, but it will also burn out quickly, leaving only ashes. The substance of emotion and practical compatibility provide the fuel for the long, warm flame of lasting romance.

Perhaps the physical spark is missing at first but the respect and common purpose are there. Sometimes a slow start can build up to a successful relationship.

Arranged marriages have a better track record than “love” in America, which sees half of marriages end in divorce. Instead of burning out quickly, the mutual respect and common goals kindle love, which ignites the fire of romance into a nice, slow, fulfilling burn.

The heart is above our sex organs so we can let our love and emotions control our baser instincts. And the brain is above the heart, so its wisdom can guide us in making good decisions that will serve us well in life.

Without question, we all want a relationship that has magic and passion. We all want to truly love and be loved, and we all want to work together compatibly toward a purpose or goal we both dearly believe in and desire.

Sparks and chemistry are only part of the equation. It will always take work to build a relationship that is firing on all three cylinders, and the spark plugs may be the first or the last element we obtain before we put it all into gear.

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