Is There Such Thing Love First Sight

Women's Dating

Is There Such a Thing as Love at First Sight?

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Written by: Dr. Wendy Walsh

Dr. Wendy Walsh

Known as America's Relationship Expert, Dr. Wendy Walsh is an award-winning television journalist, radio host & podcaster, and the author of three books on relationships and thousands of print and digital articles. More than 1.5 million people follow her sage advice on social media. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology and teaches in the Psychology Department at California State University Channel Islands and has been the host of "The Dr. Wendy Walsh Show" on iHeart Radio's KFI AM 640 since 2015. Walsh is also a former Emmy-nominated co-host of "The Doctors," as well as former host of the nationally syndicated show "EXTRA." She was named a Time Magazine Person of the Year in 2017 after speaking out about harassment at a major news network.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Hollywood loves to spin stories of love at first sight. The plotline of every romance story — Boy meets girl. Boy loses girl. Boy finds girl again. — is usually fueled by a love-at-first-sight moment. So what is this phenomenon and can it be real?

Men are more visually wired than women.

Way back in our hunter/gatherer days, youth and beauty signaled health and fertility in women. And women are more wired to respond to intelligence (often signaled by humor) and resource potential.

A hunter who could feed plenty of hungry babies was a catch. Therefore, if anyone is going to fall in love at first sight, anthropologically speaking, it is more often the man. Women do it too of course, but women tend to fall in love with love rather than a particular face.

What really is “love” at first sight?
Could it really be love? In a word, no. Instant physical attraction is sexual arousal. And that is a far cry from love. I like to think of love as an action word rather than a feeling, anyway. Love is something we do, not something that entrances us.

So, can this so-called love at first sight last? Of course not. It’s a dopamine rush caused by sexual attraction, and anyone who has been in long-term monogamy knows that this kind of sexual energy may be a couple’s magnet but it is far from the glue.

If you’re lucky, sexual attraction can grow into romantic love, and once that bond is formed, then when the sexual energy eases up, it can be replaced by an intellectual decision to love.

After many years, that decision to stay committed can become mature, companionate love — part habit and part comfort zone.

Not only is “love” at first sight not authentic love, it can sometimes be dangerous, making couples move too fast toward the bedroom before they’ve developed the skills needed for long-term monogamy.

 

“Grow relationship skills. And then add sexual

passion. This is a prescription for a love that lasts.”

Short-term and long-term relationships require separate skills.

For a short-term relationship, you need only be hot, flexible and available. But for a long-term relationship, you need to have empathy, compassion, good communication skills, and conflict resolution skills.

And when you’re busy knocking boots and getting high on sex that you think is love, you can’t possibly be learning the long-term necessities. Then when the sexual passion declines, you think you’ve fallen out of love.

And for some people with poor attachment skills (those who are attracted to people who hurt them), finding love at first sight might be a signal to run, fast!

Bottom line: Be friends first. Grow relationship skills. Make a decision to love. And then add sexual passion. This is a prescription for a love that lasts.

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