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If you were to ask 10 people if they believe in soulmates, you would probably get answers ranging from “no way” and “you can have multiple soulmates” to “I’m waiting for ‘The One.’” There’s also likely to be some debate on the definition of a soulmate. Your belief system may be impacted by your upbringing and background as the topic of soulmates has been explored and referenced among numerous cultures and religions.
Regardless of your opinion of soulmates, it’s best to approach dating and relationships with openness, appropriate standards, and realistic expectations. Being too lenient when selecting a partner can be problematic just as being too picky and having unreasonable standards presents challenges. Believing there’s only one perfect person out there for you may sound thrilling and magical, but it may also make you overly picky, selective, and judgmental, leading to missed opportunities with great people.
Therefore, your best bet is to stay open and believe that you’re worthy of attracting the right person for you — not a flawless, perfect person who doesn’t actually exist or a relationship with zero conflict. As Sam Keen states, “You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.”
So, how will you know if you met your soulmate or the right person for you?
You understand that all relationships take effort and work, and yours does, too, but there’s something natural about your bond. Maybe you feel as if you’ve known each other longer than you actually have or there’s something familiar about the person you’re with.
Maybe you’ve been dreaming of him or her? Maybe you’ve felt comfortable and at ease being vulnerable from your first meeting or early on? Actual changes in your brain occur as you fall in love with your person.
If you’ve ever heard the phrase “When you know, you know,” it truly applies to soulmates. You have a sense of knowing and intuition that you’re exactly where you are supposed to be with the person you are meant to be with.
You don’t have to force feelings to develop or convince yourself that this is the right relationship. You no longer fear that you’re settling. You can easily recognize how special and important this person is to you even if it’s hard to articulate it to others.
This includes physical and sexual chemistry, a deep emotional bond, a friendship, and an understanding of each other’s emotional needs. Even though you don’t agree on everything and are two unique individuals coming together, you just get each other. You may even finish each other’s sentences.
You find yourself smiling and feeling butterflies. However, your relationship is not just about sex and passion. There’s electricity between you that’s deeper than lust or infatuation that often fizzles.
And you approach those flaws and imperfections with acceptance and love. You understand that your soulmate is not supposed to be perfect and flawless, but you love and adore him or her anyway.
You don’t walk around trying to change them or carve them into your ideal match, but rather you feel accepting of them as a whole person.
You genuinely want to accomplish goals and dreams as individuals and as a couple. Seeing him or her happy brings you joy.
Caution: You’re responsible for your own happiness, so don’t fall for putting your happiness entirely in someone else’s hands. Soulmates don’t fix, rescue, or complete each other. They inspire you to complete yourself through their love and strength.
Life isn’t always glamorous (being an adult comes with lots of responsibilities), but you truly enjoy each other’s company doing everyday tasks and having low-key date nights. When you’re with the right person, there’s a sense of fun in small things and mundane tasks like grocery shopping.
You face the world together as a united front. While you may not agree on every little thing and have separate interests, you’re supportive of each other.
Outside influences (work, extended family, parenting, finances, etc.) may be stressful at times, but you refuse to let anything get in the way of your connection. Your bond is unbreakable. You’re honest in your communication and confront challenges together.
Again, a soulmate relationship is far from perfect, but your bond serves as the glue to tackle adversity together and grow as individuals. Your perception changes, and you approach life differently and see the world in a new way through someone else’s eyes.
You’re more willing to try new things that are important to your partner, and you feel more confident jumping out of your comfort zone with the right person by your side.
You feel comfortable being your true self, and you don’t fear judgement. You’re loved and embraced for who you are (vulnerabilities, weaknesses, and all).
A soulmate will not prey on your insecurities or pick at your sensitive spots. A soulmate will encourage you to grow and be better in healthy ways. Your relationship will be filled with compassion, comfort, shared values, meaning, purpose, love, respect, and trust. Overall, you feel calm and accepted.
You’re excited about the future, and you have trust in your partner and where your relationship is going. You don’t question your commitment to each other, worry about being ghosted, or feel anxious that you may say the wrong thing and push your person away.
You put in effort to build a relationship filled with trust and stability, and you listen respectfully to each other during difficult times.
Through your soulmate’s love and acceptance, you’re more open to learning important life lessons, and you have the courage to get to know yourself in deeper, more profound ways. Your person serves as a source of strength as you take on the journey of self-discovery and deepen self-awareness.
Handling responsibilities and making decisions feels easier with your partner by your side. As you build your relationship and learn about love, you become more mature.
Being in love with such a supportive, accepting, and awesome partner naturally makes life better. In turn, you’re more present and find each moment more enjoyable.
While it’s a myth to believe that soulmates come with zero negativity and life can sometimes be unpretty and unfair, overall, you feel a sense of peace, calm, and joy in your relationship that trickles into other aspects of life.
You realize that you’re individuals with different strengths and weaknesses, and, while you don’t necessarily approach everything in the same exact manner, you work well together and share similar values.
You’re supportive and proud of each other, leading to further confidence, success, and personal growth opportunities.
A soulmate is a person you feel a deep, profound, and undeniable connection to. A person you feel at home with. A person who makes you want to do and be better. A person who changes the way you think about the world. Your heart just knows that you’re with the right person.
Paul Robear said, “A soulmate is… someone whose way of viewing life is not necessarily the same as yours but complements yours, so that there is not a compromise, there is a complement.”
Elizabeth Gilbert said, “People think a soulmate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soulmate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.”
No, there’s more than one person you can feel a soulmate connection toward in romantic and nonromantic ways. If you take finding “The One” literally, you may find yourself anxious, lonely, unsatisfied, and waiting forever. It’s important to develop yourself personally and believe there is someone out there for everyone without missing opportunities with people who may be great partners.
Also, being narrow-minded about what your person looks like will work against you. Often the loves of our lives look nothing like the way we think they should look when we fantasize about them in our minds.
Along with the above signs, these quotes sum up what it feels like to have a soulmate connection:
Katherine Woodward Thomas said, “Rather than being about excitement and lust, a soulmate relationship is characterized by such things as a shared life path, a sense of comfort and ease, and a genuine liking of each other.”
Linda Brady said, “We recognize a soulmate by the supreme level of comfort and security we feel with that person. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t issues that remain to be ironed out. Rather, it means we know intuitively that we can resolve issues with our soulmate without losing his or her love and respect.”
While age is important, it’s just a number. Many soulmate relationships are between two people with an age gap. Age differences may present problems in relationships, but a person’s age doesn’t disqualify that person from being your soulmate.
If your soulmate doesn’t feel the same way, you will naturally feel crushed and devastated. You may struggle to determine what went wrong and even blame yourself for things not working out. It’s important to allow yourself time and permission to grieve while being gentle with yourself as you process the loss.
Do your best to look for silver linings, life lessons, and other opportunities for growth without beating yourself up. Do the work to keep hope alive that the right person is out there for you. Have hope and value yourself and what you have to offer. Take some time to move on, and, when you are ready, put yourself out there and start dating again.
Soulmates can exist in non-romantic terms, but often, as a culture, we fixate on the romantic version of a soulmate. In fact, friends, family, and neighbors can all be soulmates if you’re open to believing that we don’t meet people by accident.
We can learn a lot about ourselves through all of our relationships. Although soulmate connections don’t always last forever and people may come and go from our lives, these relationships all serve a purpose and expand who we are.
Believing in soulmates isn’t about falling instantly and magically in love. Dating with a fantasy that love is a magical fairy tale absent of challenge will work against you. To develop a meaningful relationship, understand that there’s no one perfect person out there, and healthy relationships take effort. Be realistic about what a soulmate connection means, and use the above as an inspirational guide on your search for your special person.