Probably one of the top goals people set to improve their lives is committing to going to the gym to focus on losing weight or building the physique of their dreams. But what if we also focused on developing dating goals to boost the likelihood of meeting compatible partners and forming healthy relationships?
If this would appeal to that part of you that is craving a life makeover, this article will showcase four “muscle groups” that you can hone as you go about your “workouts” for your personal growth and development to increase your dating success of attracting the man you’ve been searching for.
1. Develop Your Sense of Self
This first “muscle group” is necessary for everyone, regardless of relationship status. We want to make sure that our lives are in the best working order possible so that we can be both physically and emotionally available for a romantic partner.
Without this, we could sabotage a good thing simply because we aren’t able to devote ourselves to the process of building a relationship without undue distraction, stress, or overwhelm.
You can develop your sense of self by examining all the different domains in your life (career, finances, family, friendships, health and wellness, spirituality, sexuality, etc.) and taking inventory of the strengths and weaknesses in each area.
Identify any gaps between your current reality and your ideal. Then develop self-improvement goals to build those muscles. Ensuring that your personal life is whole, fulfilling, and expansive can project positive energy that is both self-sustaining and attractive.
This is also a great time to cultivate a sense of purpose and passion in your life outside of dating.
If some passion project doesn’t immediately resonate, take stock of your values and peak experiences in your life to help shed light on where to direct your efforts. What makes you tick? What matters to you? What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind? What brings you a sense of aliveness?
2. Create a Blueprint of the Ultimate Boyfriend
Rather than allowing hormones, chemistry, and attraction to dictate your dating choices, do the work in advance of getting clarity on exactly the type of man who would truly be a compatible partner for you.
Here’s where knowing your values comes in handy. Make an exhaustive list of all the qualities and characteristics that you’re looking for in a partner. Which ones are a non-negotiable need? Which ones are negotiable?
Negotiable means you’d be willing to compromise or sacrifice to continue the involvement. Non-negotiable means this is a dealbreaker for the relationship.
Let your non-negotiable needs become your dating screening tool to ensure that you are only allowing yourself to invest in relationships that meet this personal criterion.
This is obviously easier said than done when the dopamine and oxytocin kick in when in the presence of a gorgeous man you’ve just met; however, you will be saving yourself a lot of grief and heartache by pacing these relationships to properly screen for your needs and values.
3. Understand Your Psychology & Pursue Healing
We all carry wounds and unmet needs to varying degrees. Without attention to these, we can sometimes act out our hurts or unresolved traumas through self-defeating behaviors that can cause secondary problems. These triggered moments can sabotage our relationships if we’re not careful.
It can be helpful to identify any “unfinished business” from your past. Know any limitations in your particular attachment style, and address any distractions, fears, or defense mechanisms that may show up in your relationships.
Working with a therapist or coach can be instrumental to healing and recovery. Even under the best of circumstances, it’s important to nurture and feed our mental health for resilience. Do not neglect this muscle.
If you have a history of unfulfilling relationships, conduct some personal research on the possible reasons behind this. It always takes two to tango in relationships, and each partner plays a role in contributing to dynamics that systemically can cause conflict.
It can be helpful to create a “Relationship Timeline” to uncover themes and patterns in the types of partners you tend to be attracted to and the dynamics that led to relationship conflict and breakups.
Draw a straight line across a paper and write down in chronological order all the dating relationships you’ve had and assess each from a psychological standpoint.
Do you see any patterns? Does this point to any areas of healing that would be important? Are there any themes of unmet needs or meanings made in childhood that might be getting acted out in the adult relationship arena?
Channel your energies toward processing these psychological blocks to reach your full potential.
4. Build Healthy Relationship Skills
We live in an interpersonal world, so having savvy social skills can go a long way toward navigating social spaces and can definitely help you carry yourself with confidence in dating.
The great news about relationship skills is that they can be learned. Take stock of your social skills and work on developing them further. Here’s a checklist:
- Can you establish and maintain conversations?
- How are your communication and listening skills?
- Are you able to negotiate conflict in healthy ways? How are your flirting abilities?
- Are you able to manage your introversion or extroversion in such a way that it doesn’t interfere with relationships?
- Does your shyness hold you back?
- Are you able to be assertive and set healthy boundaries?
These are but a handful of interpersonal skills that are essential in navigating our social world and handling various dating scenarios.
Take classes, join an improv group, go to Toastmasters for public speaking, or attend personal growth retreats.
Building these skills will give you great muscles of confidence and self-esteem to tackle anything you may encounter in the dating jungle.
Focus on Self-Improvement Inside & Out!
While you’re focusing on that body in the gym, don’t neglect your dating muscles as well. Investing in your mental health and personal development can significantly bolster your well-being and greatly impact your relationships in a positive way.
Let this be the year of holistic health and wellness. Take steps to strengthen your resolve and your sense of purpose.
Remember: the best way to meet Mr. Right is to become Mr. Right, and these four categories will give you some direction on where to devote your efforts to helping yourself become the best, most dateable version of yourself.
