5 Hidden Dating App Hacks From a Professional

“Dating apps suck.” That’s the #1 declaration I hear from my clients and Dates & Mates podcast listeners. 

It’s true, online dating today can be discouraging, but after spending 18 years coaching singles and also working behind the scenes at many dating apps including OkCupid, Bumble, and Match, I can tell you that the dating app is not the problem, the real issue is how you’re using it. 

There’s a game to dating apps, and any game has shortcuts and secrets that can help you win. Lucky for you, I know the cheat codes.

Think of your profile as the first opener of a conversation. If you choose photos that tell your story (showing your hobbies, your travels, your pets), someone can quickly get a sense of what you’re about. They can find things to connect with you on.

When you get to the prompts or bios part of the profile, stack it with keywords. This means giving a lot of specific details about yourself, using words that others might resonate with.

For example, instead of saying, “I love listening to music,” say, “I always listen to Fleetwood Mac when I’m cooking.” 

Some dating apps have keyword matching baked into their algorithms. Others have hidden ways for you to search by keyword and find people with profiles that say “family” and “dogs.” Or even “pizza” and “bird watching.”

One of the clients I mentioned in my book matched with her husband because they both mentioned motorcycles in their profiles. They’d gone to the same high school, worked at the same company, and lived just a few miles away, but it took my search for that keyword to bring them together.

Ultimately, matches are looking for threads to connect to you, and you’ll get better matches and messages if you give them something specific to respond to (and you’ll avoid the dreaded “hey,” “wyd,” and “how was your weekend” texts that rarely turn into meaningful connections).

These details will stick in their mind to make you unique and memorable. I still remember my husband claiming the digital underground lyric “I like my oatmeal lumpy” in his profile. It was both literally and figuratively sticky.

Once you actually have a published profile, track your results. Check which photo people like most. Move that picture up in the sequence or make it your primary photo. 

See which prompts or pictures get you responses that lead to dates (not just empty likes). Make small adjustments to your profile as you get real-time feedback. 

Every time you make updates, you not only make your profile stickier, you also get an algorithm boost and are visible to more matches!

My hot tip: do not use AI shortcuts or features that claim to choose the best photos. They’ll select cute pics that may get the most likes, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’re attracting the most appropriate matches for you. 

The app wants to keep you active on the platform. And I know it’s tempting to collect likes as if you’re scoring points on a leaderboard. But remember, the goal isn’t to have the most likes. It’s to move offline and have real connections.

When you first join an app, they’ll push you to all the people who roughly fit your criteria, just to see how your profile lands with their popular users. You’ll swipe through options quickly and then inevitably get through everyone exciting within a few weeks. 

Then you’re just waiting for fresh meat to arrive, like a hungry tiger on the prowl. Not cute.

Try changing your filters. Even a few miles or a few years of age can open up a pocket of new matches. Change one filter at a time so you see where your block might have been. 

This won’t work for singles in rural areas, but some daters in larger cities say that limiting their filters actually produces better matches by pushing their profile to a more concentrated group. 

Play around with the filters and see what works for you, but use “dealbreakers” sparingly (or never). Otherwise you’ll be invisible to anyone in that category.

Next, try Cycling, a concept that I debuted on “The Drew Barrymore Show” a couple of years ago. Cycle to another app for another four to six weeks so you get that new profile bump again. 

Even if you’ve been on the app before, signaling you’re back after a break can fill your queue with the matches you missed while you were away. The well runs dry again? Cycle back to the first app. 

Stick with one app at a time to avoid getting overwhelmed. Make sure you’re responding in a timely fashion with the people who have matched with you. 

When I peeked at the stats during my time as a dating app consultant, I noticed that response rates dwindled after about 48 hours, so keep the communication going to get out of the DMs and onto the dates.

Black Belt Tip: If you’re still feeling like the viable matches have dried up, navigate to the “delete your account” button. They will ask you why you want to leave. If you choose the option that says you don’t see anyone you like, the app will reset your match history and start your algorithm fresh, while keeping your existing matches and DMs in place.

If you feel like dating apps put the best matches behind paywalls and limit your ability to use app features without paying, you’re correct. 

But instead of being annoyed that dating apps used to be free and aren’t anymore, get strategic about the features you’re paying for. Because they absolutely will make a difference. 

On most apps, you can pay to see who likes you first, which will save you time getting right to the people. 

For many of my celebrity and privacy-focused clients, the ability to be incognito and only shown to people you match with first is well worth the upgrade. Also, paying for additional search or matching features can reveal new prospects that were invisible before.

If you’re open to finding love in another location, you might find it useful to swipe beyond your ZIP code or preload dates before a trip. Paid features expand your options, so that’s a hack you maybe can’t afford to miss out on.

I’ll tell you what I tell my clients: Get strategic to win the game of online dating. Think about the features that would save you time or stress, and give them a try one at a time (ideally at a time when you can commit to being “all-in” and active on the apps). Then measure how well they worked. 

Did you have more dates? Did you get more messages? Did you feel less hopeless about online dating? All of those are wins, so double down on what’s working.

We were tricked into believing that online dating was easier than the old way of meeting. It’s not easy. As with any technology, we’ll get frustrated if we are using technology incorrectly or don’t know the hidden shortcuts. 

Yet, with a little bit of strategy and effort, you can put yourself back in the driver’s seat of your love life.