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It’s hardly a new phenomenon for older men to pursue significantly younger women. In fact, it’s a bit of a cliché. But from a woman’s perspective, it can be completely maddening. Many single women who are online dating see profiles of men 10 or more years older who are looking for women much younger than themselves (e.g., she’s 40 and he’s 60, but his profile says he’s looking for women between 30 and 39).
This can make women want to let out a prolonged scream or write off the world of men for good. Is this just a case of an older man looking for a younger woman to have sex with, or are there other plausible reasons an older man might be pursuing a younger woman? Here’s what I think:
Many men are very focused on getting their education, establishing their careers, and obtaining financial security well into midlife and beyond. Though it might not have seemed important early on, they may decide one day they actually do want to have a family. A man who awakens to this awareness realizes his chances for posterity can be greater with a younger woman who is still able to have his biological children.
It’s very common to hear older people of both sexes say they look and feel much younger than they actually are. Sometimes older men do act and appear younger than their chronological age.
However, it’s not uncommon for men to be in denial about the ravages of time on their looks or physique. He may think he looks much younger than he really does and sees himself as more of a contemporary with younger women, even though he’s not.
An older man who is financially secure has probably worked very hard and sacrificed a lot to get there. He may now have the resources to live well, travel, or even retire. Having an energetic, attractive younger woman to keep him company at this time could seem like the icing on the cake. He might be able to provide her with the security and attention a younger man won’t be able to give. He could see the companionship of a younger woman as the crowning achievement of his success. He’s comfortable and confident to pursue the kind of woman he’s always dreamed of, but he previously may not have had the courage to do so.
As a man ages, he still wants to feel attractive, relevant, respected, and admired. A younger woman may find his experience, wisdom, and accomplishments to be impressive and may express her appreciation freely. Some contemporary women may have surpassed him with their level of success. On the surface that may be fine, unless a woman starts comparing résumés, competing with him, or even criticizing him. The key here is a woman who appreciates a man for who he is and allows him to enjoy the spotlight occasionally will have greater success with a man of any age.
If a man is coming out of another relationship due to a breakup, divorce, death, he may just want to explore his options. He may be like a kid in a candy store realizing for the first time that he has the full range of sweet options to choose from. If the women his age seem angry or jaded or remind him of his former wife or lover, he may decide to date younger women. This may just be a short-term experiment, or he may actually fall in love.
Some older men will date a younger woman just to prove to themselves and their ex that they can. If things ended badly, his ego may have taken a bruising, and he may want to reassure himself that he is still desirable.
He wants to show himself and possibly the ex that he can go out and replace her quickly with someone younger or more attractive.
While there could be many motives for a man to date a younger woman, let’s not forget that attraction can happen between people who might seem to be an unlikely match. After all the reasons or rationale, the most obvious answer could be the most accurate. He’s simply attracted to who he is attracted to and will choose to date accordingly.
Some men are simply determined to date only women in a certain age range. Don’t automatically disqualify yourself, though. Many men are intrigued by women of different ages, looks, or body types — no matter what it says on their online profile. Whether a man is older or younger, if you focus on being the most radiant version of yourself, live your life fully, and remain open to exploring new opportunities, you’re likely to meet wonderful men who are interested in dating you.
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