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Women's Dating
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The Short Version: If you just can’t seem to get it right in romance, it might be time to change your strategy. Matchmaker and dating expert Cat Cantrill talked to us about the importance of an emotionally prepared mindset and how working with a professional can transform singles’ experiences.
I have a friend who loves dating in a way I’ve never seen. She’s an unabashed romantic with a penchant for men who aren’t quite ready to give her what she gives them.
In my early college years, I admired her go-get-it attitude and unrelatable ability to go on multiple dates a week– and apparently enjoy them. She seemed to have no problem landing a second date with the men she liked and moving on from the ones she didn’t.
But there was a common theme: No relationship lasted longer than two months. She would lament each time that she just couldn’t find a good guy who checked all her boxes and was emotionally available.
A few years of life and relationship experience later, I hear her dating woes and concerns in a different light. Instead of focusing on making connections with new people, she tends to get caught up in a search for “The One.”
Too focused on identifying the perfect soul mate, she loses out on meaningful connections.
Poor dating habits can be hard to identify and break, and they can seriously damage one’s emotional and social well-being– and dating game. Sometimes, it takes a little extra time and attention to replace negative habits with better ones.
Cat Cantrill is a matchmaker, coach, and the owner of The Heart Agency, a bespoke dating agency specializing in matchmaking, image consulting, and dating strategy. Cat talked to us about the importance of having a solid dating plan and explored why singles should take the time to reflect on their past dating experiences.
“Some people have been through so much in their life that there’s other work they need to do to let people in,” Cat said. “I don’t believe you need to be fully healed in order to let somebody in, I think there’s a lot of healing that can happen in relationships. But you have to be open and ready.”
Singles who are struggling to break negative patterns have a few options. A dating professional like Cat is a great place to start. Dating coaches and matchmakers have an inside view of the dating scene that singles may not find elsewhere.
“Matchmakers are all connectors in a way,” Cat said. “My passion has always been people. Throughout my life, I always gravitated toward wanting to help people and be in a nurturing role.”
Cat told us she met her husband, got married soon after college, and started a family. Several years later, after going through a divorce and relocation, Cat found herself in her 30s and dating in a strange new world.
“I’m 32, have two small children, and truly dating for the first time,” she said. “My ex-husband was the only serious boyfriend I ever had. For eight years, I did everything — online dating, trying to meet men in real life– just trying to figure out how to date.”
Discovering how to date includes more than knowing which dating apps to use and how to create a great profile. The dating process should also include reflection and self-discovery.
“I was also learning who I was attracted to, and why I was attracted to them, and trying to make sense of it all,” Cat said. “And I was failing miserably.” Fearing dating burnout, she took a break and decided to focus on herself.
Cat opened a women-only dance studio, which she ran when she wasn’t working her corporate nine-to-five. She was a busy single mother to two teenagers and found immense fulfillment in her work and family.
“I really poured into myself and went on this journey of rediscovery,” Cat said. “And then, after about a year, I decided to put myself back out there again.”
When Cat began dating again, she did so with confidence and clarity. Instead of dating to find a partner to bring wonderful things into her life, she already had the wonderful things and was looking for someone to share them with. The mindset shift changed everything.
“I met my now husband online, and he was the best thing that ever happened to me,” Cat said. “And organically, the women at my dance studio would come to me for advice, which opened the door to coaching and eventually matchmaking.”
The Heart Agency offers a variety of dating services so singles can find the kind of support they need. Matchmaking isn’t for everyone, and some people may just need a little extra guidance navigating online dating.
Cat and her team use relationship science, intuition, and networking to serve clients in each of their programs. They get to know each client and can give them guidance on which offering is right for them, whether it’s image consulting, matchmaking, or dating strategy.
“I do matchmaking and coaching, but I also do date styling,” Cat said. “We work on things like how you present yourself to the world and how to find your groove. It’s so much fun.”
The Heart Agency’s dating strategy service gives clients tailored advice and custom strategies to boost dating success. The service includes a profile makeover, during which Cat helps revamp a client’s online presence. She teaches them enhanced communication skills that lead to meaningful relationships.
Cat also offers image consulting, which helps singles find a personal style and presentation that gives them confidence. Clients receive a wardrobe overhaul tailored to boost dating appeal and reflect their unique personalities.
“I’m very boutique and I’m very hands-on,” Cat told us. “I don’t pass clients off– it’s almost unthinkable to me. I’m very protective of my clients because I know the space we’re in is so intimate. Often, people see me as their last ditch to find love, and can come in feeling broken.”
Image consulting and dating strategy do more than create a dating blueprint. They can help you regain confidence and see just how many options exist. Cat gives clients the emotional support they need, along with help with the mechanics of the process.
“I’m changing the script with my clients,” Cat said. “They think there’s something wrong with them, that they’re broken. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s just what you’re bringing into your life is a representation of what you think you deserve, and that has to be attended to.”
Cat met her husband after taking a break from dating and reentering with clearer expectations. Not everyone needs to take a break from dating if they’re feeling frustrated with the results, but it’s never a bad idea. Taking a break can give you the space and time you need to get to know yourself.
“One of the things I teach, even in my own practice, is the importance of bringing romance into our own lives,” Cat said. “When I brought romance back into my life myself, my life transformed.”
Bringing romance into your life can look differently for different people. It can be as simple as making a nice dinner at home for yourself to as elaborate as treating yourself to a self-care day. You can spend time with friends and family, get involved in a hobby, or focus on your emotional, physical, and spiritual health.
Relationships can be transformative experiences that bring growth and healing. But we can’t rely on them for those things. If you’re looking for a meaningful relationship with another person, you have to have one with yourself first.
Even with the best mindset, dating has its obstacles. Cat told us she understands how frustrating it can be to feel ready for love and not find it. “I know what it’s like to be in that headspace, I know what it’s like to drive for two hours to a first date and be rejected because of the way I look,” she said.
Cat continued, “I empathize with them. I know what it’s like. The biggest thing I try to do with my clients is deliver hope.”
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