3 Best Kept Secrets About Men And Sex

Women's Dating

3 Best-Kept Secrets About Men and Sex

Rachel Dack

Written by: Rachel Dack

Rachel Dack

Rachel Dack is a licensed clinical professional counselor (LCPC) and relationship coach specializing in individual and couples psychotherapy. Rachel's areas of expertise include relationships, dating, mindfulness, anxiety, depression and self-esteem.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Having sex for the first time with someone new comes with a combination of exhilaration, nervousness and excitement.

The question of when to have sex with your new guy is an important one with several key factors to consider.

Ladies, I want to let you in on a few of the best-kept secrets among men. This is the good stuff they don’t want us to know:

Secret 1:

We all know men are sexual beings and they act like they want you to have sex with them right away. Some of them are as bold as making you believe they expect sex on the first date.

What they really want is for you to respect yourself enough to make them wait.

To be sexually desirable to him and to also be the woman he sees long-term potential with, you are better off taking your time to get to know him on an emotional level before engaging in sex.

In fact, men commonly report they get bored of women who give it up too soon and are less likely to commit to these women long term or view them as marriage material.

Men report if it seems easy to get you in bed right away, they do not put you in the long-term potential category because they admit to being more attracted to women who exhibit self-worth, self-respect and confidence to make decisions on their own.

Secret 2:

Just because he sleeps with you does not mean he cares about you or you have won him over. Biologically, men are wired differently than women, and unfortunately they do not equate good sex with caring about a woman.

Women, on the other hand, are prone to getting more attached to their guy after sleeping with him.

“The guy who is willing to wait 

is the guy  you are looking for.”

Secret 3 (aka the good news):

If he really likes you, he will be absolutely fine waiting for sex.

If he is into you, he will be happy getting to know you, spending time with you outside of the bedroom and letting your relationship develop naturally without pressure.

Now that you have gotten an inside peek at the male perspective of sex and commitment, here are a few questions to consider in assessing your readiness:

  1. Are you sure you are the only one he is sexual with? Are you exclusive? How do you know?
  2. Are you aware of your own feelings about him? Do you genuinely like him?
  3. Does he treat you like the deserving, intelligent and beautiful woman you are? Is he worthy of you?
  4. Do you feel in control of your decision-making and readiness, or are you being pressured? Does sex with him feel right to you?

Sleeping with him should be enjoyable and the way to make it most enjoyable is to have it feel right for you.

Waiting until you are ready and trusting yourself with your choice works to your advantage because it allows you to learn about him and gain awareness of your feelings toward him without the distracting nature of sex.

It is also useful to be in control as a woman.

Men are funny, sneaky, mysterious and tricky (or at least they can be).

The good old “Can I use your bathroom?” question after your first several dates is not about the bathroom most of the time. It is his way of creatively (or so he thinks) getting one step closer to being intimate with you.

If he is aggressive or pushy, this is a major red flag. Don’t let his charm or slick moves fool you, and absolutely don’t fall for all of his moves if you need more time.

You know deep down if you are ready to sleep with him, so trust your gut on this. Avoid sleeping with him to please him or to get him to like you or because you pity him and have trouble saying no.

Be in control and know your worth to ensure you act in ways that make him respect you in the present and future. The type of guy who is willing to wait and slow down the pace is also the type of guy you are looking for, right?

When you are ready, be in the moment, enjoy it and be safe!

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