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One thing bisexual individuals deplore the most is when people dismiss their sexual orientation as a passing experimental phase or that they must choose one gender or the other.
In our world, we are threatened by the things we don’t understand, and this is particularly true in the often taboo area of sex. The truth of the matter is sexuality is not binary. It’s flexible and fluid, and bisexuality is indeed a valid and real orientation.
Because of the “either/or” culture we live in, very little in terms of resources or information exists for bisexuals in regards to dating or sexuality.
One of the few great books on bisexuality is the classic “The Bisexual Option” by Dr. Fritz Klein, though it’s predominantly clinical and analyzes it from an identity perspective (a good read and highly recommended if you’re interested in this subject).
All one has to do is cruise the Internet to find a plethora of sites devoted to heterosexual and gay relationship issues. Bisexual help is often dismissed or invisible, a possible consequence of biphobia.
What follows here are some dating tips to help fill that void of missing information.
If you are a single bisexual dater, please feel free to add some of your own tips in the comments section to share in the wisdom and help others in the community.
Because many people have a black-or-white view on sexuality, you will likely encounter others who may be uncomfortable with your sexual preferences.
Working toward having a strong sense of self, solid self-esteem and pride in one’s bisexual identity can go a long way toward dealing with the ignorance and misunderstanding that exists about your sexuality.
Some straight people will be put off by your same-sex attractions. Some gay people will be angry or insecure that you won’t “just accept” that you’re really gay, or they fear you’ll ultimately leave them for the other gender at some point in your relationship.
Know the difference between when education is warranted and when there’s a true misalignment of compatibility with a dating prospect based on these worldviews.
By listing your negotiable and deal-breaker needs, you can then use this as a screening tool when meeting and evaluating prospects for potential dating and relationship material.
As a bisexual single, the true goodness-of-fit will come from the combination of attraction, emotional connection and alignment of values and visions for the future as opposed to a particular gender.
At the top of the list will likely be someone who can affirm and be accepting of your holistic sexuality and preferences.
Once involved in a committed relationship with someone, how will you choose to express your bisexual attractions? If you are involved with a man, how will you get in touch and manage your eroticism toward women and vice versa if you’re involved with a woman?
Stifling any one attraction can likely lead to more pronounced emphasis on the part that’s being suppressed, and this can lead to ongoing frustration and tension.
This dilemma is often easily remedied in partnerships where there’s an open relationship agreement and sexual liaisons outside the relationship are permitted with certain boundaries set.
For those in monogamous relationships, more creativity will need to be implemented in finding outlets to meet those sexual needs that are agreeable to both partners.
For example, if one is involved in an opposite gender relationship, some potential examples for managing same-sex desires might include fantasy, masturbation, pornography, phone or Webcam sex, etc.
The key for both monogamous and open/polyamorous relationships is to have open and honest communication with one’s partner about the situation, to come to mutual agreements to protect the integrity and commitment of the relationship and to revisit the agreement periodically to ensure you’re both still on the same page about things or to determine if modifications need to be made.
Bisexuals have unique risk profiles when it comes to sexual practices and sexually transmitted infections.
Gain access to reputable information about safer sex procedures to help reduce the risk of unwanted pregnancy and the transmission of HIV and other STIs. Know your status and get tested regularly if you are intimate with multiple partners.
Perhaps the biggest area of controversy in the dating realm as a bisexual person is the decision about whether and when to tell a potential dating prospect you are bisexual.
Some bisexual singles never tell their partner, not seeing the relevance since they are committed to that one person. Others tell a date upfront before ever going out, while another segment do a personal disclosure after they’ve established a connection with someone but before getting serious.
Whatever scenario you choose, the important thing is your decision is in alignment with your value system and the protection of your partner is paramount.
However this all manifests itself in your relationship will help dictate your decision-making process, all the while recognizing that a healthy relationship is predicated on openness, honesty and authenticity and that an “out” bisexual identity can allow for more uninhibitedness and freedom to be oneself.
What are your thoughts on whether and when to tell a potential dating partner about your bisexuality? What are some other dating tips you can offer to help spread the wisdom?