7 Gay Dating Types Avoid

Gay Dating

7 (Harmful) Types Every Gay Dater Should Avoid

Brian Rzepczynski

Written by: Brian Rzepczynski

Brian Rzepczynski

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW, is “The Gay Love Coach." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs and teleclasses, please visit www.TheGayLoveCoach.com.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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When I hear people talking about the certain “types” of guys they’re attracted to and will date, I often find myself cringing.

“I couldn’t go out with him because he’s just not my type” or “Muscle guys are totally my type that I go for” are some references you may have heard out on the singles scene.

We’re all drawn to a particular type of man

This attraction is based on many factors, including early life experiences, imprinting and conditioning and sociocultural messages about what’s considered attractive.

The thing about types is they often contain mass overgeneralizations about a particular trait or characteristic that can border on unrealistic.

In addition, they can be very limiting and rob us of opportunities to date a segment of men who might actually make good partners for us.

However, there are some dating types that would behoove any single gay guy out there whose main goal is to find his true life partner to avoid like the plague.

These particular subgroupings of men possess behaviors that are counter to what’s needed to foster a healthy relationship.

Their behavior can be intentional or not. Perhaps fears of intimacy or self-absorbed behavior are the reasons behind why they do what they do.

Whatever their motives may be, it’s important to be forewarned against becoming emotionally invested in a relationship with them because they will only break your heart and lead you down a path of misery and confusion.

To avoid self-sabotage, keep your eyes peeled for these particular dating types for your own protection.

You’ll save yourself time, energy and heartache and will keep yourself open for more compatible guys who are emotionally available and receptive to the responsibilities inherent in building a mature, lasting partnership with a significant other.

1. Straight men

While it may be a fantasy to claim a hottie of the heterosexual persuasion, this almost always ends in disaster.

If he’s truly straight, his involvement with you is typically purely for sexual release or friendship (if you’re lucky), or he’s conflicted about his sexuality and will lead you down an emotional rollercoaster of “I love you”/”I can’t be with you” dramas.

2. Married men

Whether straight or gay in an open relationship, these men will never be totally available for a relationship with you because you are sharing this person with another.

More often than not, you won’t be the priority and will likely end up feeling second best a majority of the time.

3. Bad boys

There’s something intriguing, mysterious and masculine about those good-looking men who have an air of deviance about them. It can be very sexy.

The element of danger fans the flames of eroticism, but their mischievous behavior can take you down a slippery slope.

Even if what he’s doing isn’t criminal, you’ll always be wondering whether he can be trusted. He’ll be sure to keep you on your toes, but this won’t be in a good way because he also tends to be reckless, impulsive and self-absorbed.

You’ll get to suffer the consequences of his actions, too!

4. Players

These are the guys who say one thing and do the other. They act like they’re into you and share all your dreams and goals, but then they disappear or are inconsistent with their promises.

They can be very damaging to your self-esteem and can quickly make you feel jaded and that there are no good gay guys out there.

5. Daddy and son pairings

There are many older/younger couplings that become fantastic relationships.

The dating trap type I’m referring to here is where age has become a form of fetish for the men involved. Their sole black/white focus is on the role they play with their respective ages to the exclusion of other multidimensional parts of their personalities.

When you’re loved only for what you can do for your partner because of age, this can start to erode the relationship.

In addition, once the younger partner begins to show signs of aging, the level of attraction commonly fades before the hunt begins for a younger protégé.

Here’s an article I wrote on how to have a healthy May to December partnership.

6. The Adonis

If that beautiful, chiseled man defines himself solely by his work-of-art body, you’re vulnerable to being in competition for his attentions, both with the mirror and with other guys.

Insecurity, superficiality and excessive focus on physical appearance and beauty (both himself and possibly for you) could be what you’re signing up for if this man doesn’t have more well-rounded aspects of his personhood.

7. Substance abusers and addicts

Any man who is actively abusing or addicted to alcohol or drugs, or other process addictions including sex, gambling, shopping, the Internet, pornography, food or work, will likely put you through a world of hurt until he is actively in recovery and stable.

These troubled souls need to put all of their energies into themselves and their treatment to achieve a sober lifestyle before they’ll have the capability and skills to develop a healthy relationship.

It can definitely be done but typically not during the throes of the addiction cycle.

These are just a few types to steer clear from

Again, we are speaking in generalizations here and there may actually be some guys in these categories who’ve achieved success in relationships.

However, if you notice with all of the types, there is some form of distraction, acting-out behavior or barrier that can get in the way of establishing and/or maintaining a healthy relationship for the long haul.

What you can do to protect yourself from these influences is to make sure you screen each potential dating prospect thoroughly to ensure he meets your personal requirements for a partner and relationship.

And be sure to pace the relationship slowly so you can get to know each other in a variety of contexts over an extended period of time because many “red flag” behaviors can be disguised during the honeymoon period of dating when chemistry and attraction is at its strongest.

What are your thoughts about these types? What are some other dating types you’ve encountered in your experiences, and what about them do you feel were incompatible with healthy dating relationships?

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