Dating Relationship Re Enactments

Gay Dating

Dating Relationship Re-enactments

Brian Rzepczynski

Written by: Brian Rzepczynski

Brian Rzepczynski

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW, is “The Gay Love Coach." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs and teleclasses, please visit

See full bio »

Edited by: Amber Brooks

Amber Brooks

Amber Brooks is the Editor-in-Chief at When she was growing up, her family teased her for being "boy crazy," but she preferred to think of herself as a budding dating and relationship expert. As an English major at the University of Florida, Amber honed her communication skills to write clearly, knowledgeably, and passionately about a variety of subjects. Now with over 1,800 lifestyle articles to her name, Amber brings her tireless wit and relatable experiences to

See full bio »
Discuss This! Discuss This!
Advertiser Disclosure

Have you struggled in your efforts to snag a decent, quality guy for a dating relationship? Do you tend to be drawn to the same types of men over and over and become frustrated when they disappoint or when it doesn’t materialize into a satisfying long-term arrangement?

This is a very common phenomenon in dating difficulties, and it can become very easy to place the focus on the “other guy” for the reason behind a relationship’s failure to get off the ground.

Since we don’t have control over changing another person and we only have power over our own thoughts, feelings and behaviors, it’s important to consider that we ourselves are the common denominator in our disappointments in the mating game.

It’s important to pull back and channel our energies into identifying any possible role we may be playing in our struggles to increase our odds of success in the future.

Unfinished business.

One theory that exists about the reasons why we keep choosing the same “types” of partners repeatedly is proposed by Harville Hendrix, who states we pick lovers who reflect the positive and negative traits of our caregivers and disowned parts of ourselves that get projected on to our partners.

We unconsciously create emotional and relationship situations that mirror our “unfinished business” from the past in the hopes our partner can help heal our wounds through more positive outcomes.

Our partner is also doing the same thing and likely lacks the insight or skills, without intervention, and ends up unwittingly “re-injuring” us.

Whether you buy into this psychology theory or not, if you’ve had repeated unsuccessful pairings, it may serve you to dissect your dating past and analyze your attractions to better assist you with your decision making with partner choices, as well as pinpointing areas of personal growth in need of your attention.

“Really get clear on what was

unhealthy about the relationship.”

Action Challenge: Make a List

Take out a piece of paper and make a list of all of your past partners. Underneath each name, list all of the positive and negative qualities and characteristics each had.

Paying attention to the negative traits, do you see any commonalities that pop up across the different men? If so, what does this mean? What is it about this “type” of man that pulls you?

Really get clear on what it was about these men that attracted you and what was unhealthy about the relationship.

It can also be interesting to examine any patterns related to interaction dynamics in each relationship, conflict styles and reasons behind each breakup to offer further insights into this process.

Read the book reference below if you’re interested further about this partner selection theory and how to navigate it.

Reference:  Hendrix, Harville (1992) Keeping the Love You Find: A Personal Guide. New York, NY: Pocket Books

Advertiser Disclosure is a free online resource that offers valuable content and comparison services to users. To keep this resource 100% free, we receive compensation from many of the offers listed on the site. Along with key review factors, this compensation may impact how and where products appear across the site (including, for example, the order in which they appear). does not include the entire universe of available offers. Editorial opinions expressed on the site are strictly our own and are not provided, endorsed, or approved by advertisers.

Our Editorial Review Policy

Our site is committed to publishing independent, accurate content guided by strict editorial guidelines. Before articles and reviews are published on our site, they undergo a thorough review process performed by a team of independent editors and subject-matter experts to ensure the content’s accuracy, timeliness, and impartiality. Our editorial team is separate and independent of our site’s advertisers, and the opinions they express on our site are their own. To read more about our team members and their editorial backgrounds, please visit our site’s About page.