Are You Dating a Narcissist?

I remember years ago having a third date with a woman I really liked.

We’d met a couple of weeks before. We had been to dinner and the movies and talked on the phone several times.

Everything was going well and it appeared the relationship had lots of potential, considering the short period I’d known her.

However, after entering her doorway, I started noticing some rather bizarre features barreling toward me.

Although I’d been to her apartment before, I hadn’t previously noticed a really strange phenomenon: There were pictures of her everywhere.

And I don’t mean small snapshots with others standing beside her.

I’m referring to self-portraits atop the kitchen counter tops, the coffee table, sitting between books along a shelf.

Even the bathroom lavatory had her image centered in sterling silver picture frames.

The more I looked, the more I saw red flags that she is a little too self-involved. Signs such as:

• wanting her picture taken wherever we went
• incessantly loving the mirror
• possessing a fiery temper whenever you disagreed on a topic
• hating criticism but enjoying criticizing others
• wouldn’t work because of an inability to submit to authority
• constantly needing positive feedback about her appearance

Her personality became extremely unattractive – rapidly. I tried but the relationship didn’t last.

As I look back, it was really funny witnessing someone so into herself.

I’ve come across others like this (though not quite to this extreme) in my dating experiences and have learned to watch for the warning signs. And you should, too.

Narcissistic people are virtually impossible to please no matter how hard you try.

Some seek out faces in the crowd they feel can be controlled, manipulated, easily swayed, misled and kept in a box while only they hold the key.

They love to dominate people and are oftentimes loud talkers, making them easily spotted in a crowded room.

For them, their world is all that matters and whoever enters their kingdom should always feel the same.

Many love constantly talking on their cell phones, showing their time is extremely valuable while yours isn’t.

They’re usually selfish people and are often elusive, childlike and love to play hard to get.

Lots have had multiple divorces and other failed relationships and always blame the other party for the breakup.

Most enjoy using people for specific reasons and quickly cast them aside as their needs are met.

You’ll find many narcissists in boardrooms and high positions of authority, and if you haven’t anything to offer, they’ll dismiss you quickly.

“Dating someone whose love of self overrides

everything is a recipe for disaster.”

We could place the blame on the pampered Hollywood celebrities, corrupt politicians, greedy CEOs or cocky sports figures we watch on TV.

After all, they’re who society sees as role models every time we hit the remote control. But should their self-entitled actions spill over to all of us?

I’ve noticed people aren’t as concerned with being on time or showing respect, honesty and dedication to each other.

While going through the process of finding a mate, weeding out the narcissists can become quite the challenge.

However, using common sense can definitely save lots of heartache if you fear you’re hooking up with one sporting a capitol “N” on their forehead.

1. Is there balance in communication? Do they return calls or answer the phone regularly? Will they even talk on the phone, or are texts and emails all they can manage?
2. Are they elusive? Are they always kicking the calendar down the road after you ask them out, even canceling at the last minute?
3. Is their residence filled with self-portraits? Do they love the mirror and the camera? Do they constantly talk about their appearance or accomplishments in a self-promoting way?
4. Do they get upset or jealous when someone they know is given credit for an achievement?
5. Do they talk to their cell phone more than they talk to you? Is it during dinners, social group events, even while riding in the car?
6. Is their time more valuable than yours? Do their wants and needs always override yours?
7. Are they extremely jealous or insecure around others? Do they want you all to themselves, keeping you away from your friends and family? Are they controlling?
8. Are they selfish with their physical affections unless they’re ready?
9. Are they selfish with their money, always expecting you to pay for everything?
10. Are they highly critical of others, especially those of other races?
11. Do they have visions of grandeur regarding their self-worth? Are they self-centered and egotistical?
12. Do they dwell on the slightest problems and expect you to come running to solve them?
13. Do they have very few friends or little communication with their family members?
14. Do they take far more than they give to you emotionally?

If you begin dating someone with any or all of these traits, don’t walk – run and seek companionship elsewhere.

Narcissists love to waste the time, energy and efforts of others.

Liking yourself is important in many ways, but dating someone whose love of self overrides everything else is a recipe for disaster.