Doc Love Advises Men To Be Mature Daters

Men's Dating

Doc Love’s Advice for Men: Don’t Be a Toddler With Ms. Right

Doc Love

Written by: Doc Love

Doc Love

Doc Love coached men for over 30 years after interviewing thousands of women in his lifetime asking them why they chose one man versus another. What Doc learned directly from women he then taught to men. Doc was a prolific writer and created a lot of timeless dating content for his team to continue sharing his message. Singles can also get additional coaching via his still active blog and podcast at and For more tips visit his official site

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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What is one of the defining behaviors of toddlers? Lack of impulse control. They want, so they grab. And that’s okay because, well, they are toddlers. They don’t know any better and need adults to guide them.

A mature man should know better. Yet some guys start acting like a toddler in their relationships. How does a person act like a toddler when it comes to dating and relationships?  I believe there are three key ways.

1. You Think You Can Say Whatever You Want

The average toddler doesn’t have a filter. They’re run by their emotions. They say what’s on their mind even if it’s hurtful to others. Ask yourself: Is that how you are with your partner? Are you constantly talking about your exes, negative feelings, setbacks, bad news, and whatever else is aggravating you?  

Photo of man talking to annoyed woman
Constantly talking about what is on your mind, especially negative topics, can aggravate a potential partner.

Here’s the deal: She wants to have fun on a date! She doesn’t want to date a downer. I teach men in my book “The System/Dating Dictionary” to filter out negativity on dates (and in basically every interaction with her) and stay positive as much as possible. Keep it light, keep it funny, no heavy subjects, no negatives, no put-downs.

2. You Have No Patience

Is patience a hallmark of toddlers? Think about the average toddler at a grocery store when they’re made to put the candy back. Does that situation work out well? I think you can answer that.  

Guys can be the same way when denied their sweetheart sometimes. What if she can’t see you this weekend? You may not break down in tears, turn red and stamp your feet like our friend in aisle two, but the adult version of this can be just as upsetting and disruptive. 

Photo of impatient man on the phone
Impatience and passive aggression can be big red flags in the dating phase.

Perhaps you go passive-aggressive on her and make her feel guilty. While you’re in the dating phase, some broken dates can be dealbreakers, but if she has a legitimate excuse and wants to continue the relationship, your reaction shouldn’t be that of a pouty child. She will look at you like you are a toddler once you try to make her feel guilty that she had to work and you really wanted to see her.

3. You Don’t Realize the Relationship is Conditional

Toddlers do and say anything without worrying about how it will impact their relationships and social standing — consequences are not a concept they grasp! However, daters should know that their relationships are not something to take for granted. Ms. Right is not your best buddy that you’ve had since 8th grade nor is she your loyal pooch willing to wag her tail until you get out of that sour mood.  

In fact, I believe that a relationship with a woman is more like your relationship with a cat. Cats are capable of great affection, but their love is conditional. OK, and let’s get this out of the way: I’m not comparing women to animals! This comparison is about relationship dynamics. A woman’s interest level (a degree of love I discuss in my book) can be raised or lowered depending on your actions and communication with her.

Photo of couple talking on the roof
Communication and respect go a long way to making relationships healthy.

That interest level depends on you. So you can’t just say anything, do anything, and stop working on yourself and the relationship, and expect to have her feelings stay high for you.  

Keep In Mind That Adult Relationships Require Give & Take

If I could sum up this article in a few key takeaways, I would say that you get what you give in relationships. If you want a self-reliant woman with integrity, you need to show the same self-reliance and integrity. Always work on you and continue to improve with or without her.

Make sure she associates you with fun in your interactions. No, you do not have to be a clown, but remember that dating is supposed to be fun. Whether you are on date 5 or date 155, that time together is a chance to get away from all the stresses of real life and take a few hours to laugh and play. If you aren’t willing to do that, what is the point? It’s not like you need to date to pay your rent! You are supposed to want to date and always make sure dating is fun!

Photo of couple having fun
Fun outings are a great way to get your date to associate you with joy.

Also remember that she owes you nothing — just as you owe her nothing — you both are choosing to be with each other. And life can get in the way. One of the things I ask guys to look for in a woman is a flexible personality. Go watch some Cary Grant movies if you need a guide. That guy never got rattled in front of a woman, and I want you to be like that. Your temporary passive-aggressive behavior may feel good at the time, like eating a big piece of pie. But then you feel like crap after the sugar high wears off and you are left with her never looking at you the same again (in a bad way).

A mature guy who has interests and ambitions in life beyond finding a woman is most attractive. No woman wants to feel as if you are totally dependent on her for your happiness. That has to come from within, my friend.

Remember guys, once she looks at you like you are a toddler you are out of luck!