Hes Not Affectionate Enough

Women's Dating

He’s Not Affectionate Enough

Rachel Dack

Written by: Rachel Dack

Rachel Dack

Rachel Dack is a licensed clinical professional counselor (LCPC) and relationship coach specializing in individual and couples psychotherapy. Rachel's areas of expertise include relationships, dating, mindfulness, anxiety, depression and self-esteem.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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When we partner up, we bring our unique personalities, qualities and preferences to the relationship. This includes everything from our food choices, hobbies, interests, movie selections and bedtime routines.

With every new relationship, there are issues to navigate. A common one women mention is their partner is not as affectionate as they would like.

Operating under the idea that men are not mind readers is important here. As women, we can’t expect that men are aware of our personal needs, desires, wants and preferences.

Instead, relationships are most successful when you are willing to assertively and authentically verbalize your expectations and give your partner the opportunity to get to know this part of you.

Here’s how to get on the same page about affection:

1. Tell him what you want in terms of affection.

Explain why it is important to you and what it represents to you. Be clear and reasonable about your expectations and give him the chance to respond.

Without being pushy, create openness (by remaining nonjudgmental) to hear what he has to say. You may get more information about what is holding him back from being affectionate or what affection means to him.

Also, understand that it may take him some time to warm up to what you want and commit to a patient attitude if you believe he is worth it.

2. Teach him and show him what you want.

It is helpful to give specific examples of what you would like from him so he can better understand what you are looking for.

You also can make the first move. Then reinforce his effort (baby steps are important) by telling him what you like and what feels good for you. Saying thank you goes a long way.

“Be honest in your communication

while ensuring your expectations are realistic.”

3. Resist the urge to go into nagging mode.

This turns men off and makes them feel as though you are trapping them in a corner with no escape. Again, the idea is to be honest in your communication while ensuring your expectations are realistic.

For instance, he may not want to hold your hand while his favorite football team is playing their toughest game of the season. This is not personal to you, so your smartest move is not to get on his case about this.

And if it is not enough…

Well, you can’t change him completely (individuals have to want to change for themselves and this is an internal shift), but I would imagine it is important to you to feel he is making an effort.

Maybe you notice he puts his arm around you while watching a movie, which may signify a meaningful step. Maybe nothing really shifts and you begin to feel frustrated and hurt. Only time will tell.

Ultimately, you get to decide if it is enough and make choices that are right for you. Now be the empowered woman I know you are!

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