How To Be In A Lesbian Relationship

Lesbian Dating

How to Be in a Lesbian Relationship (Feb. 2024)

Kathy Belge

Written by: Kathy Belge

Kathy Belge

Kathy Belge is a freelance writer specializing in lesbian and LGBT issues. She is the author of Lipstick & Dipstick’s "Essential Guide to Lesbian Relationships" and "Queer: The Ultimate LGBT Guide for Teens". She writes a monthly lesbian advice column, Lipstick & Dipstick, for Curve magazine and is the guide to all things lesbian on

Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Falling in love with a woman is wonderful and exciting, and there are definitely some things you can do that will give you two the best chance at success.

Here’s how to be in a healthy and happy lesbian relationship:

1. Find the Right Woman

Being in a lesbian relationship all starts with meeting the right gay girl. You could try having your friends set you up or go out to the lesbian bars. However, nothing will put you in front of millions of single lesbians and let you adapt the process to what you’re looking for better than online dating.

With a larger user base than any other dating site, is our #1 recommendation, even if it isn’t strictly for lesbian singles. Over 1 million paying members on Match are homosexual, so it should be no problem finding a great girl who has everything you want.

Below are our experts’ top choices for lesbians who want a long-term partner:

1) Match

Match: Not only do we love Match because it has an incredible amount of members, but it’s also the dating site that’s responsible for more relationships and marriages. We even have someone on our staff who met her now-wife on Match. The site also has a free account option, so you can experience all of Match’s greatness for yourself before fully committing.

OurTime: A popular site for single lesbians who are 50 and over, has a user-friendly layout that makes signing up and finding a match super simple. Not to mention 1.4 million people visit the site each month, so the user base is continuously growing.

BlackPeopleMeet: If you’re a black or biracial lesbian who specifically wants to date other black or biracial lesbians, is a fantastic option for you. The site also has cool features like audio and video messaging and live chat, which means you’ll be able to easily communicate with women who catch your eye.

Zoosk: Busy lesbians who can’t seem to find time to meet someone special should turn to Not only is the site integrated with social media sites like Facebook, but it also has an intuitive iOS and Android app — say hello to dating from your couch, on your commute to work, or in line at Starbucks.

2. Show Her That You Appreciate Her

Once you’ve met the right woman, you want to be sure you let her know how amazing and special she is. Treat her with respect. Trust what she tells you is true. Value her opinion. Let her know you appreciate the things she does for you and that you appreciate her as a person.

Showing appreciation and love means a lot to women. Small, kind gestures like complimenting her, doing the dishes, surprising her at work, or anything like that will truly go a long way in her eyes.

3. Flirt With Her. Every Day.

I don’t care if you’ve been together 20 years — you should still be telling her how beautiful she is, reaching for her hand while you’re driving, whispering in her ear, and touching her thigh under the table. Leave her love notes in her car, and send her flowers at work.

Make sure she knows you love her not just as a partner and a friend, but as a lover and a romantic partner. Everyone wants to feel beautiful and wanted. Do what you can to make her feel that way.

4. Truly Listen to What She Has to Say

Make her feel like she’s heard and she will know you love, appreciate, and respect her. Let her talk without interruption. Look at her when she speaks, and turn off the TV or any other distractions.

Give her verbal and physical cues that you’re listening like nodding your head while she’s speaking. Spend twice as much time listening as you do speaking, and you’re sure to keep the relationship in the right balance.

5. Be Playful With Each Other

If you want to have a successful lesbian relationship, you need to enjoy it! Never stop laughing and having fun together. Go see live music and comedy. Dance in the kitchen. Play little jokes on each other. Have friends over and play games. Follow a sports team and cheer loudly for them. Enjoy one another’s company in small ways every day.

6. Explore Each Other, Your Relationship & the World Together

Learn and grow both as a couple and as individuals. Encourage her dreams and pursue your own. Strive for a good balance of shared interests and individual pursuits. Take classes together. Learn a language. Traveling is another great way to keep a relationship fresh, get a perspective on your life, and push yourself out of your comfort zone.

7. Make Your Sex Life a Priority

Sex is something that must be nurtured throughout the life of a relationship. Have sex at home. Have sex on vacation. Try new things. Talk sexy to one another. Try sex toys or reading sexy books to one another out loud. Most of all, don’t get complacent about your sex life. It can be one sure way to kiss your lesbian relationship goodbye.

Final Thoughts

Being single can be frustrating sometimes, especially when you’re craving an intimate relationship with someone who just gets you. It all begins with finding that amazing person, which is why we suggest you get online. Try or another lesbian dating site that you think will meet your needs. Once you find her, do everything you can to keep the relationship strong and the love growing, and these tips should help you do just that!

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