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Most successful people — CEOs and top athletes, for example – work with a coach to help them achieve more in their daily lives. Coaches help their clients get clarity on what they want, develop a plan of action, and find the support and motivation to work the plan.
When you work with a coach, your willingness to do the work and carry out your plan determines your success. Coaches may offer one-on-one or group coaching sessions. As a Lesbian Relationship Coach, I have worked with women individually and spoken to groups of 20-30 lesbians.
Intensive one-on-one coaching can typically get faster results because the focus is only on your situation. Group coaching can be beneficial too because other people will ask questions that will help you get deeper insight into your own situation and give you an opportunity to meet other women and bounce ideas off other like-minded lesbians. The most important thing for you is to feel comfortable with your coach, their style, and their experience.
BUT I think it’s always worth looking at both sides of the equation, so here are some reasons why a single person should NOT hire a dating or relationship coach like me.
I think it’s best to make the mistakes and then spend a lot of time figuring out how to get it right. I don’t mind that it might take me much longer to find the right girl if ever. I will likely learn many hard lessons along the way, have more heartache than I deserve and will often wonder if I will ever find love. I will also wonder if I even deserve love and will spend an inordinate amount of time doubting myself and feeling generally depressed and insignificant. I would rather be on my deathbed and know I did it alone but regret everything and be by myself.
Shouldn’t they know how to play the game already? I mean, if they are so good, it should come natural to them. They are wasting their money on coaches. It’s about practice not coaching. Getting a coach is like cheating. Just because an athlete’s skills have improved, and she experiences much more success than before doesn’t mean that coaching works. When Tiger Woods hired the best high-profile golf coaches, it had nothing to do with his 15 Masters’ wins. It was a total coincidence.
Even though a coach may teach a proven formula, I enjoy wandering aimlessly trying to get it right. I would rather find the magic formula myself, and she will come “ring my bell” — my doorbell, that is.
Instead of consulting with an expert, I ask my friends and even my three-times divorced, unhappy Mom for dating advice. Success in dating and relationships is a random thing; it has nothing to do with a process, formula, or system. You simply keep throwing spaghetti at the ceiling hoping it will stick. If this were so important, we would have been taught it in school. People have been doing dating and relationships without any help for years, so why shouldn’t I?
We all have blind spots that we do not realize we have because we cannot see them. The Psychology Dictionary defines a blind spot as “… a defense mechanism which prevents the recognition of one’s true feelings because, in recognizing them, all the more they would become painful and persistent.” They keep us from seeing the truth, from overcoming challenges, from believing we have what it takes. If a coach can help you see what is getting in your way, then where is the challenge in that? I want to keep living with my blinders on and take 20 years to finally uncover the one thing that is keeping me from finding love and living blissfully with my soul mate. Isn’t this what makes for a great romantic comedy?!
I don’t need a relationship because I have so many friends and a kitty/puppy to fulfill all my needs except the one that causes that deep, dark, painful hole I am ignoring.
Being in a relationship is more trouble than it’s worth. Friends don’t trigger you, and your puppy/kitty shows real unconditional love. The need for intimacy and great connection with lots of amazing sex is just not something I’m looking for. Being alone sounds better than being with a beautiful, soft, sensual, loving woman enjoying life together.
I get lots of sympathy from friends every time my relationship fails. I take comfort in knowing that I keep falling for the same kind of woman over and over. I keep doing the same things to attract the same kind of woman, but I am hoping that one day it will be different, and I will get it right. Heck, no, I am not willing to get help to figure it out. That would be too logical!
I would rather fail repeatedly than ask someone to help me. That’s just the way I am, and I feel good about it. It’s a sign of strength. If I don’t know how to do it, then why would someone else know how to do it? If it’s meant to be, it’s up to me.
Life is tough and being positive is like sticking your head in the sand. No one can help you change your programming. It’s fixed and permanent. Doubts and inner fears are real and should be preserved forever. This whole thing about changing your beliefs is someone’s idea of a bad joke.
My last girlfriend told me I was a miserable person, and I plan to prove her right. I don’t mind being alone, and I would rather be alone in my comfort zone. There is something terribly wrong with me and no one can fix it. I have proved it time and time again with failed relationships. All my exes have said no one will ever really love me.
Hopefully, you realize these previous reasons were tongue in cheek. But ideas like this can get in the way of people choosing to hire a coach…especially in the dating and relationship arena. Coaching is often misunderstood. People think coaches are only for people who need help in a specific area and do not know what they are doing.
A coach is an active listener providing the client with significant clarity. Their goal is forward movement for the client. On the other hand, a counselor/therapist/psychologist often deals with the past, healing the wounds and is not as focused on forward motion.
What can make an impact is the coach’s emphasis on the client finding their own solution not instructing or leading them. The coach believes that the client has the best answers which come out when the client is allowed to speak fully and be heard without judgment.
As a coach, I listen not just to the words but the emotions behind the words, and even the spaces between the words. As I tune in, I can appreciate a deeper sense of my client and what she is communicating. In this deep listening, the client gains greater insight into her own self-limiting behavior. Coaches are adept at deep listening and are often able to help their clients get profound insights simply by hearing themselves speak and be heard.
What can a coach do for you if you are looking to find your true love? Well, for starters let’s look at your history of bad relationships or recent rejections. Your mindset is likely not positive and open to love. If you are currently dating, you may not be enjoying it because of your mindset. Deep down you want to find love, but you have a block shouting from your inner voice that all the good women are taken.
A good coach would help you identify and reverse your limiting beliefs, doubts, and fears by asking questions that help you go deep and understand the lies of your inner voice. A coach can help you experience a transformation resulting in renewed confidence and more joy in your life and more openness to doing things a different way. A coach can help you get really clear on what it is you want in a partner, and develop a strategic plan.
A coach can help you understand what might be getting in your way, slowing you down, or stopping you from getting what you want.
A great coach’s only interest is in you. They don’t need to share about themselves although occasionally that sharing may be helpful. Unlike talking with a friend who may also want some airtime, when you’re speaking with a coach, the focus is always on you. I assume strength not weakness and believe that you have or can develop the exact skills and talents and resources that you need to get what you want.
In my coaching, I help you to look at your environment, everything from your job and living situation to your family and friend circle and what you read, eat, and watch. What is your home like and is it inviting to bring in a partner? I work with my clients to help them grow skills in flirting, dating, conversation, wardrobe, even hair and makeup. I may roleplay with them or have them do research and come up with ideas on their own.
Most importantly, a coach doesn’t tell you what to do. A coach teases out from you the ideas that you want to implement and helps you make them workable. Then the coach holds you accountable by providing support and motivation. We all have programming about relationships and dating that is a hindrance to our moving forward. I use some powerful tools to help my clients let go of their blocks and reprogram their limiting beliefs.
Many coaches offer a free 45-60 minute discovery session for potential clients. You can gain increased clarity around your current dating and relationship situation, identify some of the blocks that are keeping you stuck in old patterns and identify some steps to move you forward. During this session you can also assess if you like the coach’s style of coaching. A good fit between a coach and a client is vital to a person’s success. I offer my clients a 30-day money-back guarantee so they have ample time to decide as we start working together.
Coaching is about helping you find clarity and direction, save time, increase your confidence, and train your brain. It’s also about understanding yourself, identifying your blind spots, and boosting your overall well-being.
Who doesn’t want some or all of that! If you have been struggling with dating to find the one or if you are new to dating and being in a relationship, a coach can help you find your way and be more successful. And they can speed the process along. You can go it alone and leave it up to Lady Luck or the spaghetti on the ceiling. Or you can get experienced support from a coach who listens and is all about helping you live your best life. The choice is yours.
In a free Discovery call with The Lesbian Love Coach, you can figure out if dating coaching is the right path for you and perhaps get some clarity on your love life along the way.