I Desire a Relationship with a Man. How Can I Have This Kind of Relationship?

Brian Rzepczynski

Written by: Brian Rzepczynski

Brian Rzepczynski

Dr. Brian Rzepczynski, DHS, MSW, is “The Gay Love Coach." To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples, as well as to check out current coaching groups, programs and teleclasses, please visit www.TheGayLoveCoach.com.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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Reader Question:

I’m a bisexual man who is more oriented toward men. I have worked through commitment fears of having the same type of relationship my parents had that led me to attract emotionally unavailable men and women because I was unavailable.

Additionally, I recognized internal homophobia in me to the extent that I viewed being partnered with a man as “ewwwww,” though I’m truly desirous of such a relationship.

How do I build faith and trust that I can have the kind of relationship I want to have? How can I maintain that trust and faith during moments of doubt?

-Tom (California)

Brian Rzepczynski’s Answer:

Dear Tom,

The only path to true happiness in love is surrendering to its natural call, whether that be with a man or a woman.

The costs of fighting your preferences, particularly since we don’t choose our sexual orientation, can take a huge toll on your self-esteem and quality of life.

By valuing who you are, surrounding yourself with people who affirm your sexuality and drowning out the judgments of others who don’t understand, you’ll be heading in the right direction.

It is your life to live, after all, and you deserve to be in relationship with whomever feels right to you.

I encourage you to make a list of all the reasons why you deserve to have the relationship you crave so you can refer to this when you have those moments of doubt to counteract them with positive affirmations. You’re worth it!

No counseling or psychotherapy advice: The Site does not provide psychotherapy advice. The Site is intended only for use by consumers in search of general information of interest pertaining to problems people may face as individuals and in relationships and related topics. Content is not intended to replace or serve as substitute for professional consultation or service. Contained observations and opinions should not be misconstrued as specific counseling advice.

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