5 First Kiss Tips for Modern Men

The evening has been magical. The conversation was easy and fun. The location was a perfect choice. The wine was flowing like, well, wine. Music lilts on the air as a stray breeze teases a loose strand of her hair. Your eyes meet, you lean in – and accidentally knock over her wine glass into her lap.  

She leaps up with a shriek and what was once a romantic moment is now over as you frantically try to flag down the waiter to get some water to clean it up.

You screwed up the first kiss! Can you ever recover from this?!

Yes! With our first kiss tips, you won’t have to worry about getting wine out of chiffon, and hopefully you can make that first kiss memorable in the right way.

A first kiss is a wonderful way to start a love story, but we can unconsciously make it way harder on ourselves than necessary. Here are a few tips to help it not be so awkward and hopefully secure yourself another date!

A kiss attempt should not come out of nowhere.

You have no guarantee of a kiss at the end of a date, and if there hasn’t been enough chemistry, the attempt can be incredibly jarring.  

Now, you can straight up ask her if she wants to be kissed, but I have found that most women would rather not have this happen. However, you do want to make as sure as you can, through other means, that she wants to be kissed.

There should have already been physical contact before this. Has she touched you? Have you hugged? Have you rested your hand on her knee? Is she flirting and playing with her hair, saying you’re cute and funny? These are all indicators of interest.  

You have to pass some hurdles and get the signal before you go for it. 

When you do kiss at long last, don’t mash your lips up against the other person. Follow the rule described in “Hitch.” Go 90% of the way there and let her do the last 10%. That is her saying, “Yes!”

When I was in high school, all the boys carried Binaca breath spray. You wanted to make sure you were ready for that kiss (even though many of us were years away from it!). 

If you are going on a date, brush your teeth (and floss) beforehand and have something to make your breath smell good.  

It can be gum, spray, mints, whatever. Just have something to get that caramelized onion taste out of your mouth.

If you’re out eating, make sure that you’ve checked your mouth for the dreaded food in your teeth.I would recommend going to the bathroom to make sure. 

A real mirror is better than doing a quick check on your phone, but you can always put that forward-facing camera to good use in a pinch! You don’t want anything to ruin that special moment, so take out your Invisalign and ensure your dentures are locked in place.

Hands can feel like clumsy instruments sometimes. They flop around and can get in the way. Learning how to control your hands is a skill people actually teach.  

Some speakers use mudras, or hand positions, taken from Hinduism, Jainism, and Buddhism. Others will clasp their hands behind their back so as not to be distracting.

When you go in for the kiss, don’t let your arms hang there like limp flesh logs. You can use one to embrace her or touch her lower back.  

Your other hand can go to her face to gently cup her cheek. This hand can also (gently!) turn her head toward you so your kiss angle is better.  

Your hands can add more pleasing sensations to the kiss. If you keep kissing for an extended period, you can use your hands to stroke her hair, pull her close, or lightly travel her body.

One thing I see too often is saving the kiss for the end of the night. You know, the thing you always see in movies. He walks her to her door or stoop where they chat. The couple faces each other, and then it happens or it doesn’t.  

As romantic as that may seem, this isn’t Hollywood; if you leave the kiss until the end of the night, you are putting way too much pressure on it. A little sexual tension and buildup is fine, but it can create a lot of anxiety in each person. 

She thinks:

“OMG, is he going to go in for the kiss when I get to my house?”

While he’s thinking:

“Uuuuuuhhhh, does she expect me to try and kiss her when we get to get door?”

I feel that if you get that kiss “over with” midway through the date, you can both relax a little, and it makes the rest of the date so much better!  

Now you both KNOW you like each other and can cuddle closer and enjoy each other’s company more.

I know guys have to psych themselves up for stuff sometimes. You might be telling yourself, “OK, she’s sitting next to me, her leg up against mine, and her hand is resting on my thigh and she’s looking at me intently. I think I’m good! I’m going to go for the kiss!”  

Unfortunately, you aren’t paying attention to the fact that she’s sharing a story of when she got bullied in high school.  She’s being vulnerable with you and suddenly SMACK, there’s a kiss! That’s going to be a bit jarring.

I’m not saying that you have to take her on a walk through Central Park and then right when you cross the bridge, sweep her into your arms and kiss her.  However, I’m also not NOT saying that!  

A little preparation can make all the difference. Plan a walk at twilight through a flower garden, sit down in some grassy shade, talk about how happy you are.  These things will help set the stage to make it all so magical!

You don’t have to plan for everything, but it’s good to know what might happen next. I’m talking about both “in the next few minutes” and “down the road.” 

Are you going to ask her to come home with you? Will you wistfully tell her you can’t wait to see her again? Do you want to kiss some more, or is too much PDA not appropriate where you are?  

As far as down the road, a kiss is a bit of a promise. It doesn’t mean you’re now in a relationship, but it does mean it’s moving in the right direction. Do you want a girlfriend or a FWB? Is this a one-night stand or a prelude to something more?

Ultimately, we’ll probably all have lots of first kisses that don’t go anywhere, but it sure makes everything worth it when you kiss the right person at the right time!