I Lack Confidence When Striking Conversations with Women. What Can I Do?

Dr. Wendy Walsh
Dr. Wendy Walsh Updated:
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Reader Question:

When it comes to striking a conversation with a woman, I lack confidence or knowledge on what to say.

What can I do?

-Michael (Texas)

Dr. Wendy Walsh’s Answer:

Dear Michael,

Your problem may be that your anxiety about being liked by a woman shuts down the winning personality you use with men.

The very fact you think women want or need different subjects when striking up a conversation shows your anxiety makes you tongue-tied.

First of all, when talking to a new woman, you don’t even know if she’s single, so keep things respectful and have boundaries (i.e. don’t tell her she’s beautiful right out of the gate. She could be married to your boss!)

Pretend you are talking to a guy you’ve just met. Stick with topics like the weather and your surroundings: “This grocery store always has the best produce. Doesn’t it?” “Have you noticed this bus is always late?”

She shows you with her body language, eye contact and words if she’s interested in talking further.

And if you do talk long enough and want to ask her out, act like it’s an afterthought. Say something like, “Hey, you’re kind of interesting. Want to grab coffee sometime?”

That’s a lot less threatening than, “You’re pretty. Can I take you out for dinner?”

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