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If you’re sitting at home and thinking to yourself, “Dang, I need a girlfriend,” you’re not alone. Well, I guess you are, but you’re not the only one who feels that way.
About 58% of never-married adults say they want to get married one day, and 23% of divorced or widowed singles say they would like to meet someone new and remarry. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, though. That walk down the aisle starts with a loving boyfriend-girlfriend relationship.
If you’re serious about finding a girlfriend, you may feel frustrated by all the flaky, superficial, and casual daters out there, but you just have to dig a little deeper to find the keepers. You need to look in the right places, and you need to be the right kind of guy. Here are six tips to help you find a girlfriend — plus four pieces of advice for winning over girlfriend-worthy women the right way.
To meet an amazing woman, you’ve got to go where the high-caliber, relationship-seeking women are. Below are the top six resources you should be using, places you should be going, and activities you should be doing if you really, really want to meet a gal who could eventually turn into a girlfriend.
The first way to increase your chances of landing a serious relationship — without having to invest a lot of time or money — is to go online. Gone is the taboo of meeting someone through the internet. Around 30% of matches these days start online, but not all dating sites and apps are created equal.
If you’re truly looking for a girlfriend, Tinder and Bumble may not be the best places to spend your time. Think of these apps as a virtual bar with no cover. Yes, you might meet a lot of people at penny beer night, but it’ll be much easier to find a worthy match at a more upscale place.
If you’re on a more serious dating website with a paid membership plan, like Match, you’re immediately dealing only with the people who have invested some money and are serious about making a commitment. And they also know you’re more serious about finding someone.
Here’s some more info you might want to know about Match as well as two other dating sites we think are really great for finding a serious relationship:
Friends, Dates, and Relationships
Browse by zip, age, appearance, more
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Try Match.com FREE
Relationships: Friends, Dates, and Relationships
Match System: Browse by zip, age, appearance, more
Browse Free: View Photos Now
Match was founded in 1995, which makes it the first dating site to ever exist. Since then, it’s facilitated the most romantic connections of any other online dating service. With more than 30 million members, and counting, Match will probably never run out of women who are potential girlfriend material.
Search, Receive Partner Suggestions
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Browse Profiles Free
Relationships: Serious Relationships
Match System: Search, Receive Partner Suggestions
Browse Free: View Photos Now
Not only is Elite Singles a go-to dating site for the commitment-minded, it’s also a go-to dating site for those who value education — as more than 80% of members have earned at least a bachelor’s degree. Even better, 90% say they want to get in a serious relationship.
Casual Dates, Deep Relationships
Personality test suggests matches
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All Straight Singles*
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Relationships: Casual Dates, Deep Relationships
Match System: Personality test suggests matches
Browse Free: View Photos Now
Now, eharmony is responsible for more than 2 million relationships in the U.S. alone, and few dating sites can compete with its psychology-powered match algorithm. The dating website launched on a mission to strengthen relationships by focusing on compatibility, and we’d say it’s been pretty successful. Its matchmaking algorithm makes a new love connection every 14 minutes, and its compatibility ratings tend to be spot on.
Meetup.com is a great way to meet new people, make friends, and build a relationship more organically. Find something you enjoy doing, and look for a meetup in your area around that interest. There are meetups for almost everything: hiking, home brewing, sports, books, etc.
The best part is you’re immediately joining a group where you all share common interests or hobbies. When you do something you enjoy, your body language opens up, and you become more vibrant, excited, and energized, and that’s attractive to singles
Even if there isn’t a girl in the group who you’re interested in dating, everyone there has friends, siblings, coworkers, etc. If you’re a fun and dynamic person, they’re going to tell their lady friends “There’s this really cool dude in our board game group who I think you might be interested in!”
Most places have different types of easy and fun sports leagues open to the public. If Zog isn’t in your city, there are usually kickball teams, softball games, or other types of sports leagues, including co-ed leagues and leagues that don’t take themselves too seriously.
The point is to have fun and meet people. Not only is it a great way to meet and get to know people on your team, but you get to meet all the other teams as well. I played on a pool league for 10 years, and almost 50% of the players were female. It gets you out, introduces you to people, and lets you have some fun.
Never underestimate the power of friends and family. It has the added effect of knowing that someone has vetted you and found you to be worthy of spending time with. Put your pride on the shelf, reach out to your friend group or your extended family, and let them know you’re seriously in the market for a girlfriend. If people know you’re looking for your love match, and not just looking for a FWB relationship, they’ll be more ready to help you out.
Communities everywhere have so many needs and never enough people to help get things done, which opens up volunteer opportunities wherever you live. Most big cities, for example, will have soup kitchens or shelters that depend heavily on volunteer help. Personally, I enjoy Habitat for Humanity as I love to build stuff. There are bake sales, cleanup days, cancer walks, and all sorts of other events that would be happy to have your help.
Not only will you have the opportunity to meet others, but you’ll already be showcasing the fact that you’re generous of spirit and want to help those less fortunate than yourself. That’s always an attribute that immediately turns you into boyfriend material.
Go to business networking events. No matter the industry you’re in, others in your profession are likely meeting regularly in your area — so find them. Whether it’s networking for bartenders, financial professionals, or just general networking, these events offer somewhere to mingle and talk business. And, yes, business is done and discussed, but, as the night goes on, it becomes more jovial and personal. It also shows any potential match there that you’re ambitious and take your job, whatever it is, seriously.
Now that you know where to meet women who could make for good girlfriends, it’s time to talk about the correct ways to win them over. No games, pick-up lines, or crap like that!
There are nice guys, and then there are Nice Guys™. The former are genuinely nice guys with stable lives and a healthy self-esteem. The latter are the self-entitled bane of the dating world. As per Reddit, “a Nice Guy™ is a person who pretends to be nice but, in actuality, is either a douchebag or a doormat. Note that the person must pretend to be nice. They don’t have to use the words ‘I am nice’, but it should, at the very least, be implied.”
Nice Guys™ say things like:
Don’t be this guy. Being nice is not transactional, and no woman owes you anything — particularly not sex — in exchange for your friendship and emotional support. If you’re hoping being nice will lead to getting lucky, you should re-examine your priorities (and moral compass). Just be nice for the sake of being nice, and be honest about your intentions if you don’t actually want to be friends. That’s the decent thing to do.
Be careful of what I call the dreaded one-itis. One-itis is when you have one potential girl who you’re looking to date or get more serious with, and you end up spending all your mental and emotional bandwidth on her. You always want to be around her. When you’re not around her, you’re thinking about her or texting her.
While, yes, it’s great to get a little obsessed with a new love, one-itis is putting every egg you have in her proverbial basket. That can come across as needy, desperate, or downright creepy, especially if she’s not equally obsessed over you. You need to have other things to spend your mental bandwidth on. Have some activities you do on your own or with your friend group. She isn’t responsible for your happiness. You can’t put all your expectations on her. It’s exhausting!
If you want a girlfriend, treat your dates like you would a girlfriend. Take them out on actual dates to restaurants and bars. Don’t bring them to group hangouts, and don’t say you’ll “see them at the party.” Instead, take her somewhere nice so the two of you can spend some intimate time getting to know each other.
Choose an activity date, a learning date, a food date, or a drinks date, but make it a date. Make sure she knows you’re taking her on a date and that you, yes, want to date her. So many people are in some form of emotional limbo, not knowing what you want or where you want it to go.
If you want a girlfriend, be honest about your intentions early on. Don’t say “I’m not really looking for a commitment right now” just because you think it makes you look in demand or cool. Take a chance and tell the truth. You shouldn’t try to disguise the fact that you’re looking for something serious because that’s going to attract serious people and turn off casual daters who will only waste your precious time. Look, we all enter the dating world with an agenda, and it’s best to talk about that with a date so everyone knows what the expectations are going forward.
Many girls out there are dreaming about and looking for a guy who is serious and not just DTF. Every day, my female friends complain about fuckboys, players, being ghosted, breadcrumbed, or whatever new thing that douchebags do to string girls along. We want guys to stop playing games, treat women with respect, and show they’re serious relationship material. That’s literally all it takes to impress us.
So, instead of sitting at home thinking about how much you want and need a girlfriend, get out there and start taking serious steps to building that romantic connection. It can be as easy as joining a meetup or creating a dating profile — or even buying a drink for a woman at the bar. You never know where you’ll meet a quality woman, and the only thing really holding you back is your own hesitation or inaction.
Nothing will change if you don’t change something, so take our advice and use different ways to meet women online and offline to make something happen and attract that girlfriend of your dreams. Good luck!
Photo sources: miamioh.edu, 16thingskidscando.org, lovepanky.com, videoblocks.com