First dates offer the perfect opportunity to reveal your true identity and character. You should use the time to have intentional conversations and discover whether the match is a good one for you.
However, sometimes in the midst of the excitement and anxiety, individuals make mistakes that could mean the first date is also the last date.
I’ve seen these mistakes many times when working with clients, and I urge you to avoid them.
1. Talking Way, Way Too Much
Talking over a person is not only a turn-off, it’s also rude. It shows that you are not interested in a real back-and-forth conversation. Instead, you want to monologue.
One of the most common first date mistakes I see as a professional matchmaker is not allowing the other person to talk. It makes them feel as if you don’t want to hear what they have to say, and that you are instead only interested in expressing yourself.
When you are meeting someone new, it is important to make them feel desired. It’s necessary to make them feel heard. How can a person feel heard if you are constantly speaking over them?
Be mindful of your speech and the length of your “talk time” on a first date. It can make or break the match.
2. Oversharing TMI
Another common first date mistake: oversharing. Revealing too much of your personal business and dating history can be detrimental on a first date. Some call this floodlighting.
Always remember your date doesn’t know you very well. They will take any information you give them and could potentially misinterpret it.
Allow your date to discover more about you as time progresses. That way, they’ll be able to make a proper assessment of your true character in the context of what you say and how they’ve seen you act.
There’s no need to tell your entire life story on a first date. It can be unappealing and unattractive in most cases.
3. Not Asking Any Questions
A good way to let a date know you’re interested in learning more about them is to ask questions.
However, a common first date mistake many people make is not asking enough questions. The purpose of a first date is to learn more about each other and further the connection by finding common ground. If you don’t ask enough questions, it can make your date feel as if you aren’t interested in them.
In addition, not asking enough questions may leave you in the dark as well. You need to ask questions to find out if you’re aligned in your lifestyle and views. Be tactical about what you ask on a date and get the information that’ll help you make an informed choice.
4. Making Fast Judgments Too Soon
As a professional matchmaker, I have successfully planned thousands of dates. And I’ve gotten lots of feedback from clients about what worked and didn’t work.
I have recognized that one of the largest problems we have in dating culture is inaccurate judgment.
Too often individuals make judgments on a first date that are incorrect.
You simply have enough information about an individual to be able to make a proper assessment from a one-time meeting. Nonetheless, singles have made a habit of quick judgments – even going so far as to dub it “the ick.”
When judgments are made way too soon, people jump ship without giving their date a chance to reveal themselves.
5. Masking Your Authentic Self
I cannot express how important it is to be your true, authentic self in the beginning stages of dating. Far too often, individuals mask their true character in an attempt to impress the other person.
Refraining from being your authentic self will come back to haunt you in the future. It’s hard to sustain an image that isn’t genuine.
And it can be exhausting, quite frankly. Ensure you are showing up as the truest version of yourself in the initial phases of dating. Your goal should be to avoid deceiving the other party and misrepresenting yourself. Be you.
6. Being Close-Minded
Close-minded individuals tend to block their own blessings. It’s important to refrain from being too rigid on a first date.
Don’t going into it with a list of too many expectations; it blocks the natural flow of the conversation and can interfere with the connection as well. It may also turn off your date and make you appear to be a bit stiff. Which is most certainly unattractive.
Mindset Is Everything
I recommend approaching a first date with a sense of curiosity and an open mind. You’re interested in the person and ready to learn more. Success rates are higher for first dates when both parties arrive with a positive attitude.
Avoiding these common first-date mistakes can help singles to improve their overall success in dating and increase the chances of landing a second date. Remember to always arrive with an open mind, be yourself, and try not to make judgments too quickly.
