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Dating is supposed to be fun!
I know it isn’t fun a lot of the time, but it’s supposed to be. And it’s totally up to us to make it fun. Of course, what is fun for men and what’s fun for women can vary vastly!
There are a whole host of ways that dating can seem a burden, and it’s only natural to be a little wary. If you are feeling jaded, or needy, that’s going to come out on a date, and the man is going to sense it. Men are looking for someone who is going to add to their lives. How are you planning on making dating fun?
Some things that guys find fun or entertaining can seem downright bizarre to most women. Throwing rocks in the water or breaking dead sticks on a walk is still high up on my enjoyment factor! In fact, there’s an entire subreddit, devoted to it, where the top three posts of all time are building sandcastles, playing with suction arrows, and video games.
No matter the guy you like is into, don’t try to pretend to be something that you are not. Just because a man is a total outdoorsman, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to meet a fancy, pretty gal like you. For the most part, we just want women who are authentic. Let us know what you do like for fun. And more importantly, why do you like it?
If you say, “I like hiking,” it doesn’t let us know why it’s fun for you. Instead say, “I like hiking because I work in a cubicle farm all day and I love the open spaces./ ….because I love a challenge and the ultimate challenge is me vs nature./ …because I used to be a botany major and I love seeing how many plants I can still identify.”
This will let us know WHY it is fun for you.
Men, for the most part, are a little more OK going outside of our comfort zone and taking some risks. We love it when our ladies can join us, but not at the expense of their personalities. Sure, it’s fun to push yourself out of your box a little, but make sure it’s not JUST to appease the guy. And never compromise your values or do something unkind to get his attention.
Having new experiences is key to chemistry in that you’ll be releasing brain chemicals like dopamine, serotonin and cortisol, which help crystallize your memories, creating emotion. Just make sure your gut is aligned with your choices.
Many times I hear from the men I advise that the women on dates were thinking too far down the road. Like, they are wondering if the guy sitting across from them is marriage material, while he just wants to have a fun evening. The first date is only to get a second date, not figure everything out at once! Live in the now, enjoy yourself and don’t worry too much about the future. If a man sees that the woman seems grounded in the experience and is having a good time, he’ll be having a lot more fun.
Obviously, guys are visual creatures and we enjoy looking at beautiful things. But what we consider beautiful and what you think we find beautiful can differ a LOT! For instance, did you ever see a cute guy right after a workout, sweaty and filthy? I’m sure he wasn’t feeling at his best, but you still enjoyed looking. Same with us! While a woman who takes care of her appearance is highly desirable, what we don’t like is too curated a look. We don’t care at all what label you are wearing, we won’t notice your shoes and will barely notice any accessories. If you care too much about what you look like or about not staining something, that’s going to be a turn off. In fact, most men feel women value their clothes a little too much, so being OK with a spontaneous game of tag without worrying about grass stains will go a long way.
When it comes to flirting, what you think is obvious is subtle, what you think is subtle is oblivious. How do some men show affection to each other? By roasting each other, busting balls and insulting their lineage. Bring some more teasing into your flirting!
Show that you’re willing to take a little risk and play their game. Dudes love a good banter and enjoy being able to verbally spar with someone. Also, don’t be afraid to get a little dirty, bringing sexual innuendos into it. I used to take my dates to shoot pool and with balls, racks, holes and cues, there was always some little sexual joke I could say. “Nice tight rack, Mary!”
You know who guys like? Girls who like them! In the science article “I Want You to Want Me,” (Murray, ’21), men identified feeling desired as a key component of a happy relationship. You know what makes people happy and feel good about themselves? A genuine interest in who they are. I grew up in Syracuse, New York, so we grew up on college basketball, and I’m still a bandwagon fan. When I started dating my wife, she wanted to learn about me and asked me why I liked it so much, and it was fun trying to figure that out and express it. But it made me feel like she really wanted to know about me.
There are many tropes of women finding things guys do to be pointless and stupid (video games, Legos, cosplaying, etc). And yes, you may actually think the same, but men also aren’t big fans of which dress makes you look the least fat, what Carol at work said today or making sure we dance at weddings. But we do these things because we like you and want to support what you enjoy. So take some time to find out what he likes and join him.
For the most part, people like people who like themselves. When a woman is confident in her own skin, regardless of what it looks like, it’s an aphrodisiac! I also tell my clients that to be interestING, you need to be interestED in something. Things to think about:
For me, I’m pretty sure in any room, I’m the only person who builds furniture and enjoys cross stitching.
If I walk into a room and see a “10” leaning up against a wall with a resting annoyed face and crossed arms, I’m not going to want to approach. But if I see a “6” telling jokes, slapping people on the back, taking a shot of whiskey, going up to each group of people, I’m going to say to myself, “Wow, she looks fun, I want to know more about her!”
One last thing is that what is fun and funny (and also magical and horrible) many times is misdirection. You think things are going to go one way and they absolutely do not. So when you can juxtapose what your image might be with something that goes against the grain, it can shock and amuse you. If you are usually very conservative, dropping a dirty joke at the right time will be so shocking that people can’t help but laugh.
Being fun around men isn’t about being fun FOR men, but finding out what you enjoy so you can have fun WITH men. For the most part, I just want to see you smile and laugh and not get too much in your head. The quirkier and more interesting you are, the more fun we can have with you.
So wear your meme graphic T-shirt, go somewhere you get to have fun and let the guys see how much fun you are and are having. I guarantee you, they’ll be lining up to talk to you!