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The Short Version: Seasoned daters who go from one failed relationship to another may not know where to turn for advice when they’ve reached a breaking point. Relationship Expert and Author Kevin Darné wants them to know that the answers lie within. On LoveAlert911.com, he teaches men and women to look inside themselves to better understand their own needs and desires. Then they can create realistic and healthy expectations that allow them to find compatible partners for lasting relationships.
When someone breaks things off with yet another person they thought may have been “The One,” they may start to feel like the entire dating scene isn’t working.
It can be easy for them to blame the town they live in for leaving them with so few options that they feel the need to settle. Or maybe they blame online dating because people don’t reply to their messages. When they do get a date, the person may not look anything like the profile photos or may not have a personality that matches what was said online.
Relationship Expert and Author Kevin Darné advises singles to stop playing the blame game and look within themselves to improve their date prospects.
“I remind my clients, students, and readers their lives are the result of decisions and choices they have made along the way. When we acknowledge this, it empowers us because we have the ability to learn from our mistakes and make better choices for ourselves in the future,” he said. “Playing the blame game is very disempowering.”
Kevin is the author of popular dating books, and he’s the voice behind LoveAlert911.com, a website packed with powerful and straightforward advice to help people create the best relationship of their lives.
He helps those who are frustrated with their love lives transform themselves — and the world around them — by starting within.
According to Kevin, the key is finding areas of personal improvement that can lead them on the path to self-empowerment.
Kevin started his journey to becoming a relationship expert when he worked as a Chicago relationship advice columnist at Examiner.com in Chicago. There, he wrote articles aimed at helping singles navigate the dating world. His writing has also been featured in the Chicago Tribune, on Match.com, Tinder, ReadersDigest.com, AARP.com, Redbookmag.com, and many other outlets.
Kevin frequently appeared as a guest expert on radio and television shows, including WGN-TV Morning News Chicago. Soon after, he got into teaching on topics that include “How to Find and Choose Your Ideal Mate” and “Avoid the Catfish! How to Date Online Successfully.”
“My role is to help individuals start to do some serious introspective thinking to figure out what traits they want and need in a partner,” he said. “Often, our epiphany arrives when we realize we have been choosing those who clearly do not possess the traits we claim we want in a mate.”
The theme of Kevin’s advice is that life is a personal journey. It’s vital for singles — and those in relationships — to understand, love, and trust themselves every day. The more they focus on what they can control while searching for Mr. or Mrs. Right, the more success — and fun — they’ll have, he said.
The first step, he said, is to take the time to understand what you’re looking for in a partner. He encourages all singles to think about their must-have lists and deal-breakers, so they can be clear and decisive when picking a potential partner.
“Nothing happens until you say yes to someone, and you get to choose who you spend your time with. So choose wisely,” Kevin said.
Kevin’s first book shows readers how to approach relationships with complete awareness and realistic expectations. Entitled “My Cat Won’t Bark! (A Relationship Epiphany),” it teaches self-empowerment techniques while interjecting both humor and new perspectives.
His second book, “Online Dating Avoid the Catfish! How to Date Online Successfully,” is designed to help people seize control when it comes to online dating. He outlines six mistakes that singles commonly make, and even includes tips for avoiding the dreaded “friend zone.” It also helps singles sidestep the long-distance relationship trap and ease the pressure to make dating more fun.
“It’s not that online dating sucks, it’s that too many people suck at online dating,” he said. “The goal is to find someone who shares your values and wants the same things for the relationship. Ideally, that person will agree with you on how to obtain those things and have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.”
Kevin said he believes that compatibility is far more critical than compromise for the success of relationships. While other experts talk about improving communication skills and setting date nights, the reality is that you can’t change the other person. If a relationship’s success depends on how much one or both people can change, it’s a recipe for disaster.
“If you or your mate has to change your core being to make the relationship work, you’re probably with the wrong person,” he said. “Expecting people to become something different usually leads to frustration and resentment.”
He also said that singles should never feel like they need to teach another adult how to behave or treat you well. According to Kevin, a better tactic is to find someone who already has the qualities you desire.
One reader called his books a “must-read for on-the-rocks relationships.”
“It made me really think about my relationship, and I started asking myself a lot of questions. Felt like this book was written just for me,” wrote Judy M. in an online testimonial
Kevin said his audience is mostly people who are older than 30 and have plenty of experience with dating and relationships. They’re typically interested in learning smarter dating strategies to avoid the let-downs that come with finding the wrong person — often again and again.
“The follow-your-heart philosophy causes many folks to ignore red flags and get hurt,” he told us. “Never separate your mind from your heart when making relationship decisions. The purpose of the mind is to protect the heart.”
He said he also hears from younger daters who are “paying a learning tax” as they fail at relationships early on. He reminds them that it’s fine to love and learn, as long as they move on and keep improving.
In 2020, Kevin plans to publish two more relationship books, one on mastering first dates and another on dealing with breakups. He’s also considering starting a Meetup.com group in his area, as well as creating a podcast.
Kevin said he loves his work because he knows he’s helping people find the right relationships, and he’s heard from many people who found spouses thanks to what they learned from his books and blog.