How to Be Proactive in Dating (LGBT Advice)

Life seems to be so much more complicated nowadays. I was recently visiting my small hometown in Georgia, and some close friends asked me about dating in a bustling city like Los Angeles. I’m not sure if it’s more of a generational or geographic factor, but planning a night out for drinks with friends seemed so much easier in my hometown than in L.A.

In L.A., plans are made weeks in advance with at least two attempts of getting together, so schedules mesh and someone doesn’t have to cancel. I was thinking about how singles can utilize certain tools to navigate dating through the turmoil of scheduling and being proactive instead of getting frustrated, throwing their hands up, and abandoning any attempt of dating.

It’s really important to be your own filter when it comes to creating a concise, straightforward, and proactive dating profile. You also want to be concise and straightforward when filtering matches.

For example, if one of the first things you mention in your profile is where you’re from, and the first question a new match asks is “Where are you from?” you know he didn’t read your profile at all. Goodbye. Maybe that’s a bit harsh, but that’s what I suggest relationship-minded singles do.

There’s nothing wrong with stating clearly in your profile what you want so you can filter out matches who don’t meet those requirements.

It’s also always a good idea to say directly what you’re looking for and not be that person who says “I want to date someone who doesn’t take himself too seriously.” Do you really want to date someone who doesn’t take into account how he spends his time while honoring yours? It will never end well if you’re with someone who speaks in hypothetical platitudes.

Additionally, your photos say a lot about your energy, lifestyle, and what you deem the best representation of yourself. Be selective when choosing your visual media so you give yourself a greater chance to succeed at online dating. Your choices will show relationship-minded men that you take yourself seriously and are dedicated to being proactive in dating . As a result, your profile will stand out among others that clearly have too many filtered selfies.

I will always be a strong advocate of meeting someone in the flesh rather than continuing to gaze at a digital likeness. To me, it’s the only true way to date in a strategic way. There’s nothing like an organic and positive first impression of someone’s energy and how they conduct themselves in a social environment.

A lot of times, seeing someone in real-life elements allows you to study him from a distance and see what tactics he uses to engage with others. For instance, a person looking at his phone during what seems to be an important conversation is a complete turn off to most people.

Look for events in your area that are interesting to you and cater to gay singles.

Lifestyle compatibility is a huge piece of the equation, and it can really strengthen a first impression. Are you a person who enjoys video games? Find events where you can connect with someone who enjoys that, too.

After all, we’re all more confidently conversational and attractive when we’re in our element and not being judged. Do a little research to find those events that allow you to feel accomplished when you’re trying to proactively date.

Your social circle is a great gauge of your character. Let your friends be your matchmakers, and let them know you’re trying to proactively date.

If you see a cute fella across the room, ask how he knows the host or the friend who brought you. As the night progresses, you’ll hopefully be able to slip in a few conversational gems that help stoke a mutual attraction.

I believe social skills have taken a back seat since social media and text messaging have become the primary form of communication for many people. We really don’t know the authentic subtext about someone unless we see them or hear their voice. Being a conversational sleuth at these types of gatherings is important.

You have to be willing to approach men you’re interested in.

I find myself sometimes being a fly on the wall and picking up on things that a person I like might say to someone else. I wouldn’t call this snooping, but maybe being creatively and strategically proactive.

I remember being at this party, and I was so excited to meet this person until I overheard him talking about a recent wild weekend at a sex party with him doing MDMA. Although some people might be comfortable with that type of lifestyle, I am completely against it — full stop. Think about what’s important to you, and see if your potential matches agree or have different lifestyles.

A final story I want to share is about the time I was caught up in a whirlwind romance. However, looking at it now, the cyclone was very much forecasted and seemed to be on a ruinous path.

This person painted a picture for me of what he didn’t want within the first month of getting to know him. Then his fear of commitment reared its head. Knowing him and his intentions even more so now, I think he was blinded by his fear of commitment. Instead of being invigorated by my natural proactivity, he became paralyzed with a fear familiar only to people who don’t really know who they are.

Being tactful is the key to successful proactivity when you’re on your personal dating journey. Dating should be easy and fun, but it also should be a little bit of work. Develop a deliberate mindset and place yourself in a mental space that says “I’ve done my best to show someone who I am and what I can offer, and that is enough regardless of the outcome.” I find most men within this discerning mindset are the ones who get snatched up the fastest. Now get out there!