The Exclusive Dating Community For Singles Seeking Professional Black Women

The Short Version: Black women have long been an underrepresented group on dating apps. Naza Shelley set out to change this with her exclusive dating app and website, CarpeDM. The app and website offers traditional matchmaking in a modern, online capacity. Only after you complete CarpeDM’s online dating courses and video calls can you meet your match in person. 

The District of Columbia’s city streets are almost always clogged with commuters. And you can bet that all of your fellow grumpy commuters are just as ambitious and career-oriented as you are. After all, you’re in the U.S. capital, where you can set your watch to a presidential motorcade appearing at the most inconvenient moment. 

When you spend more time at work (or stuck in traffic) than you do at home, dating tends to fall by the wayside. But you can, in fact, find the high-powered, professional woman of your dreams among those grumpy commuters.

Naza Shelley founded CarpeDM because she knew her fellow D.C. daters were just as ambitious in their dating lives as they were in their careers. When time is of the essence, both parties may prefer making the dating process as efficient as possible. 

“CarpeDM was inspired out of my own personal frustration trying to find love online and dating in D.C.,” Naza told us. As a young, Black, female attorney, Naza struggled to make authentic connections with the men she encountered on traditional dating apps. 

CarpeDM is her answer to this problem. Say goodbye to cryptic text messages and disappointing first dates. 

“Most dating apps (are) predicated on texting strangers,” Naza said. 

It’s possible for a rapport to develop via text, but there’s so much we can’t see this way. Just when you think you’re about to meet your funny, intelligent dream guy over coffee, you’re greeted by a dry, emotionless dud (at the risk of sounding jaded). “You build up this whole persona about this person without any real context,” Naza pointed out. 

Or, she said, the complete opposite can happen. “You may have missed connections because some people are really bad at texting, but they’re actually really great in person.” It’s simply a reality of the online dating game, but Naza wanted more options.  

This is how CarpeDM became one of the first dating apps to operate on a video call-first basis. 

“It requires you to video chat before you text,” Naza explained. This way, only people who are truly invested in the process are willing to video chat. Plus, you get to see the other person right away. 

“I get to see you. I get to see your mannerisms. I get to hear your voice. I get to see your surroundings. I get to see if there’s an initial vibe,” Naza described. Just think of all the time you’d save by meeting via video-chat first, instead of exchanging polite texts over a series of days or weeks. 

Now, saving time isn’t the most important thing in the world. But if you want to balance other priorities, like your career, with your love life, a little saved time can go a long way. 

The fact that you have to video call a potential date before you can text them logically means you’ll go on fewer in-person dates. If a date’s a dud over video, the chemistry won’t magically lead to an in-person encounter. This doesn’t mean CarpeDM is all about isolation — on the contrary. 

“We’ve built CarpeDM around community, such as in-person events and gatherings, as well as the access to matchmakers,” Naza told us. CarpeDM’s participation in the Black Dating Peace Treaty, a workshop and mixer that discusses the state of Black relationships in the dating world, is just one example of this. It also has a growing presence on Instagram. 

CarpeDM ensures the in-person dates you do go on have a better chance of turning into long-term relationships. 

CarpeDM is exclusive, but not unattainable. 

“We identified our niche, which is Black women like me: Professional, unmarried, traditional, and looking for long-term relationships,” Naza described. “We looked at the dating market and saw a gap between dating apps and matchmaking services.” In that gap, CarpeDM found an opportunity. 

CarpeDM is one of the only dating apps that also works with experienced matchmakers to connect its members. For this unique arrangement to work while still being affordable, CarpeDM narrowed its user base. 

The D.C.-based app/website became even more exclusive by doing background checks on its members. This way, anyone who uses the app knows they’ll be connecting with someone verified and vetted by CarpeDM. Plus, as Naza said, it encourages people to be “more serious about making a meaningful connection.” 

To join the CarpeDM community, you have to check at least two boxes: You must be looking for a serious relationship, and you must be interested in dating a Black woman. If your profile is up to CarpeDM’s standards, you’ll put down a $99 deposit to meet with a matchmaker. 

At the initial exploratory call, the matchmaker verifies that you understand the matchmaking process and that CarpeDM is generally a good fit for you. They will also learn more about your dating journey and what you are looking for in a partner.

The added support of a matchmaker means you aren’t flying solo. “Dating apps don’t give you the feedback loop a matchmaker would,” Naza pointed out. 

If you can’t seem to get past the first date, a matchmaker could shed some light on why. 

“You have 72 hours to schedule a video date. It’s the same video matching process that we patented because we believe it drives people toward more compatible, meaningful conversations early,” Naza explained. If the video chat goes well, then you and your match can start texting on the app.

If it’s not a great fit, then you’ll be unmatched and will receive feedback from your matchmaker. No matter what happens, your matchmaker is there to guide you. “We’re checking in with you and following along with your progress.” 

The app’s dating readiness modules go a long way to prepare you for the matchmaking process. 

Most of us are accustomed to the casual breakneck speed of dating apps like Tinder and Hinge, but CarpeDM operates on a totally different level. 

“We created the modules to help singles (manage) their expectations and recalibrate how they engage with a service like ours,” Naza explained. 

“The first (course) is about what you can expect when working with a matchmaker,” Naza described. “The second is about emotional intelligence and setting realistic relationship goals. This includes understanding your non-negotiables.” The third course is about the ‘science of happily ever after’ and how to choose a mate.

The modules are a great way for matchmakers to get to know you, your comfort level with matchmaking, and your ultimate relationship goals. “Some of them include worksheets or questionnaires, and then they take quizzes at the end to ensure they understand the material,” Naza said. 

You don’t take these courses for your health, though they could certainly help you learn more about your emotional wellness. “Our goal is obviously to send you highly compatible matches,” Naza continued. 

Traditional dating apps would match you up with as many people as possible, but CarpeDM takes a different approach. “The quality of your match is someone we think you could go on a third date with.” 

CarpeDM’s matchmakers pair you up with people who share your values. “We know if you both want kids, and if you’re aligned with your religion and your lifestyle preferences,” Naza said. 

By learning upfront that you both have similar futures in mind, you can save yourself from spending time in a dead-end relationship.

Naza also emphasized the importance of non-negotiables. They’re easy to set, but notoriously difficult to enforce. That’s why CarpeDM’s matchmakers help to hold you accountable. 

“It helps us when we have our more in-depth (module) with each member to really dig into those non-negotiables,” Naza said. The goal is for people to narrow their list of 15-20 deal breakers down to 3. “This helps us to curate (a match), and helps the person understand the limitations that they’re putting on themselves.” 

It’s all about being open-minded, Naza told us — even in as exclusive a community as CarpeDM. “My advice is to be as flexible as possible,” she said. 

Knowing your non-negotiables is important, but it’s equally important that you keep your options open. You don’t want to box yourself into a corner. “I want people to release the idea of the (perfect) person and think more about the qualities you’re looking for in a partner.”