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I met this guy about three weeks ago online, and we’ve been out a few times for drinks and shared some kisses. I’d like to see him more, but I always see he’s logged into his online account.
Seriously, every single time I’m on there he shows up. This makes me think he’s talking to a lot of other girls, and I want someone who is only interested in me. Not looking for players!
How do I communicate to him I’m looking for something more serious and exclusive?
-Mixed Signals
Dear Mixed Signals,
It can be hard enough to distinguish mixed signals when you are sitting across the table from each other, let alone online.
However, there are a few key things you can do that will help.
First, we need to consider he has also seen YOU’VE been online, so he’s likely thinking YOU are talking to other guys, too.
I just think you need to take that into consideration before leaping to any “player” conclusions.
Also, another thing for consideration is when I asked several single men this exact question, they said a lot of the time they don’t bother logging off, even when they’re not in front of the computer or on the site.
It’s kind of like a Facebook chat is often open on your computer even if you aren’t actively on the site.
But when I posed the opposite scenario, they admitted they would find it a bit frustrating if the girl they had been out with a few times was always online. Hmmm, interesting.
“Keep your options open and don’t
obsess about seeing when he is online.”
Let’s stick to SOLUTIONS for you.
It starts with coming from a place of honesty and communicating what it is you are looking for.
Decide for yourself first, and then search for someone who shares your goals of something more serious and exclusive.
The next time you go out with him, be more expressive of your desires so he’s clear. He may have no idea and think you are just out to casually date several guys.
Make sure you say your desires and goals first so you don’t edit yourself based on what HE is looking for.
In the meantime, keep your options open and don’t obsess about seeing when he is online. It can become a habit that leaves you feeling poorly about yourself and only communicating with one guy.
I don’t want you to waste time with time-wasters, but I also don’t want you to write someone off because of online behavior assumptions.
Live Love,
Christine
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