Why Your Profile Is Scaring Good Men Away

Online Dating

Why Your Dating Profile is Scaring Good Men Away

Gina Stewart

Written by: Gina Stewart

Gina Stewart

Gina is the owner of Expert Online Dating. As an online dating consultant, she helps men and women maximize their online dating experiences to get more dates. You can visit her website, www.ExpertOnlineDating.com, for more information or to contact her.

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Edited by: Lillian Castro

Lillian Castro

Lillian Guevara-Castro brings more than 30 years of journalism experience to ensure DatingAdvice articles have been edited for overall clarity, accuracy, and reader engagement. She has worked at The Atlanta Journal and Constitution, The Gwinnett Daily News, and The Gainesville Sun covering lifestyle topics.

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My male clients seem to always have a universal question: “Why are women’s profiles so mean?”

“They vent about all their past problems with men. They seem like they don’t even like men. They outline a list of requirements you must meet to contact them, so I don’t contact them.” – Says a nice, good catch of a guy

Women, this lesson is for you.

You’re missing out on good, decent guys contacting you because of how you’ve written your online dating profile.

You yell at certain types of men to steer clear. You say, “No cheaters, no liars, no narcissists, no manipulators.”

If a man is a cheater, liar, narcissist or manipulator, do you think seeing your list is going to dissuade him from contacting you?

“Oh look, she says she’s not into a-holes. Since I’m an a-hole, I shouldn’t contact her.” – Says no a-hole, ever.

“Whoa, this lady has a lot of anger toward men. She’d probably yell at me too if I contact her.” – Says a decent man.

I understand.

I understand the desire to lay out important information in your profile.

You have had a history of bad relationships. You’re trying your best to not repeat the past by listing your requirements to your readers.

The problem is this approach actually scares good guys away from you. They are scared to talk to you and are afraid you’re going to punish them for not meeting your exact criteria.

And you miss out on what could actually be a great relationship.

Rule 1: Stop listing the don’ts. “Don’t lists” work against you.

Rule 2: Stop listing the demands.

“If you want to go out with me, you must be over 6 feet tall and make over six figures.” – Says every other woman.

It’s baffling how many women feel 6 feet and six figs is the equation to relationship happiness.

“You’re missing out on meeting a man

who can really make you happy.”

I’ve got news for you: Your criteria is flawed.

A man over 6 feet tall is not going to be a better man to you than any other height of man.

I know it’s nice to wear your heels and feel feminine in his big, tall body. I’m 5 feet 9 inches, so I know what it’s like to want a man of a certain height.

But since 95 percent of women aren’t even 5 feet 9 inches, listing this “6 feet and over” criteria isn’t with merit.

You’re narrowing your pool of great, eligible and possibly even still taller than you men!

If Katie Holmes and I are 5 feet 9 inches and can date men shorter than us, you can adjust this setting.

Get your priorities straight of what you’d like to have in a loving, supportive partner. A height requirement should not make cut!

You require your man to make more than six figures:

Money is nice. You feel a threshold income will make your lives better. A certain amount of income will accommodate the lifestyle you want to have.

Unfortunately, an income doesn’t tell the full story.

Maybe your dream man makes six figures, but what other aspects are a part of his life? Are you accounting for his debt load? That he’s mortgaged his life away? What about his alimony payments? His child support payments?

What if a man makes less than six figures, but he’s never been married and has no kids to support through college? That man is going to have a lot more expendable income to spend on his dates.

A man who makes less money may still be able to provide you with a better quality of life. He may own his assets outright.

The problem is you won’t even talk to these men to get to know their story. An online dating profile is never going to tell you the full financial story.

You’re missing out on meeting a man who can really make you happy. Build the profile that will attract the kind of man you want to be with.

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