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The Short Version: Many singles have a hard time feeling confident while dating. Coaching service Kamalifestyles is there to encourage men to get back into the dating scene and feel better about their romantic prospects. Kamalifestyles coaches help men do the internal work of boosting their confidence and the practical work of approaching potential partners in public.
From approaching a good-looking stranger in a public place to saying “I love you” for the first time, dating involves many moments of vulnerability. It necessitates taking a risk: Either end up with the joy and excitement of reciprocated feelings or deal with the disappointment of a rejection.
Experienced daters can usually take the downsides of romance in stride. They may feel the sting of rejection, but they understand that they’re not everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s OK. They have the resilience to bounce back relatively quickly from romantic disappointments and feel content with putting themselves out there. They understand that even if they’re alone for now, they won’t stay alone.
Unfortunately, dating can be difficult to navigate for those with less experience and lower confidence. Those who seldom date often build it up in their minds and may feel as though there is a fundamental difference between themselves and people who can easily establish relationships. Some singles become insecure about their ability to find a partner, making them less eager to put themselves out there and ultimately less confident in the long run. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy: If you believe you won’t find love, you won’t put yourself in situations where finding love is possible.
It doesn’t have to be this way, though. With support and resources, you can regain your romantic confidence. Kamalifestyles, a London-based dating coach service for men, is one such resource for those singles looking to get back into the dating scene.
“What a dating coach will teach you has been tried and tested on hundreds of people, so whether it’s a man or woman, there is a way you can sell yourself to your desired sex,” Iain Myles, Director and Executive Dating Coach of Kamalifestyles, told our team. “A lot of the time, the main thing that a dating coach will show you is how to relax in that situation.”
Iain and his team have helped countless men get their confidence back and get comfortable talking to potential partners as a result. No longer bogged down by their insecurities, singles are finally able to be their authentic selves in romantic situations and thus find partners who like them for who they are.
The coaches at Kamalifestyles put a lot of work into helping their clients get better at talking to potential partners and presenting the best version of themselves. But it’s not all pickup lines and conversation strategies. The professionals often start by addressing the client’s innermost insecurities and limiting beliefs about their romantic worth.
“It’s 50-50; half the time, we focus on our clients’ beliefs about themselves, and the other half is physically taking them out and getting them to express themselves,” Iain said. “It’s not about changing who you are. It’s more about discovering the good things about you and being able to convey that in that situation.”
Iain places emphasis on helping his clients figure out who they are and getting them to present their authentic personalities. After all, if you’re interested in forming a long-term relationship, pretending to be someone you’re not isn’t going to work.
Being confident and charming helps to attract someone initially, but building an honest foundation is more important for a serious commitment.
“Many years ago, dating coaches used to teach their clients to use pickup lines,” Iain said. “But I believe it’s more about trying to express yourself authentically.”
The coaches at Kamalifestyles are not pickup artists who are focused on getting a woman to go home with their clients under false pretenses. They don’t teach men to play games with the women they’re dating. Instead, they’re focused on helping their clients create genuine connections that are in line with their values and goals.
Working on yourself is an important part of gaining confidence in romantic settings, but you need to actually put yourself in situations favorable for romance to bloom for it to happen. And when you get used to putting yourself out there, it will start to feel natural to approach a romantic interest or ask them out. That’s why the Kamalifestyles coaches work with their clients in actual social situations.
“We observe you on dates and see you socialize with other people, then give you tips,” Iain said. “We will take our clients out and analyze them when speaking, and that gives our clients a firsthand understanding of what to do and say and how to act.”
Different coaches at Kamalifestyles have different approaches to working with their clients in social settings. Iain likes to take his clients out during the day when approaching a potential interest necessitates relying on your personality and not the energy of a club or bar. On the other hand, Emre, another coach at Kamalifestyles, prefers to take his clients out to bars at night, where asking someone out feels a bit more natural and expected.
Whenever you decide to start dating, Iain believes that the most important thing you can do is to start taking action romantically. “You can read a lot of stuff about dating and get a lot of information, but it’s important to put yourself into a difficult situation where you can socialize,” he told us. “Make yourself socialize and remember to be patient because success in any field requires time and consistency. Ultimately what you’re doing on a biological level is reprogramming the front part of your brain, which takes a bit of time.”
Changing your habits, behaviors, and mindset takes work and repetition. You won’t change how you think about dating or yourself overnight, but by consistently taking risks romantically, it will become second nature.
Changing your behavior around dating will always be intimidating, but with a good support system, it’s a whole lot easier. Working with a dating coach at Kamalifestyles can give you the romantic mentor you need in your life. Coaching resources can help when things don’t go your way and give you the guidance to tweak your actions the next time.
If you’re struggling to date, you aren’t alone. You can find support from dating experts, as well as other men who are dealing with the same frustrations as you. That’s part of the benefit — in addition to its intensive training — of attending one of Kamalifestyles’s seven-day Residential Training programs. Participants learn dating theory and go out with the coaches for practical work. And given the intensive nature of the program, the coaches have the time and resources to focus on the individual client and their unique struggles.
“The beauty of the program is we custom design it and tailor it to our clients,” Iain said. “Nothing is off the shelf. If we think someone needs more confidence training or theory work or someone is really confident already, then we tailor accordingly.”
After working with Kamalifestyles, about 85% of clients go on to have relationship success. But Iain believes that simplifying successes to a percentage isn’t necessarily the best way to look at their work.
“We have a lot of successes where they meet, get a number or take them home with them or go to her place,” Iain told us. “But one can’t forget that it’s not just about numbers or success rates because the whole goal is not to get immediate results. It’s more personal development and developing your mindset in a healthy way.”