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There are a lot of things that hold a relationship together. Love and commitment are usually at the top of the list but not always. Men have a whole host of excuses for staying in a relationship with you — mostly lies and rationalizations they tell themselves but don’t share with you. As a result, a lot of dead-end relationships are never pronounced dead until they’ve been on life support for way too long.
If your relationship seems to be missing a little “something,” maybe one of these excuses is keeping him around even though his heart isn’t in it.
Men don’t want to spend their nights alone, if at all possible. You may have to be with the one man who owns your heart in order to sleep with him every night, cook for him, do his laundry sometimes, and be his escort to all kinds of events you don’t even enjoy. But for a man, sometimes all you have to be is female.
Sure, you have to be able to arouse his sexual interest at least a little. But, beyond that, he would be missing out on a lot of tender loving care, and his life would be a lot harder, if he didn’t have you around for emotional support and all those housekeeping services you supply. He would be a fool to give it all up for life on his own.
This brings us directly to point number two. Maybe he’s just waiting to find Miss Right so he can move right from your arms into hers. Men are logical creatures, so if they can make the transition to a new girl without any “down time,” that would seem to make good sense. Right?
“Be on the lookout for signs that your relationship
has become more of a bad habit than a love affair.”
Maybe you’re a very trusting, low-maintenance girl. He comes and goes as he pleases. He can call off a date with a quick text and go out with the guys whenever he wants. He can stay out all night, and you never complain or ask what he’s been up to. You can catch him in a lie or with another woman, but you want him so badly that you let it go.
He tells himself that he’s got you trained. He can keep you on the shelf until he’s in the mood for a little romance or a home-cooked meal, and he knows you’ll be there to satisfy his needs when he snaps his fingers. It’s the perfect relationship scenario for a man — a sweetheart at home and anything he wants when he’s out and about.
He plays golf or fixes cars with your dad, and he plays softball and drinks beer with your brothers. Your mom rushes to hug him, fawns over him, and cooks his favorite meals when he comes over. It’s a great life, and he is attached to the great feeling of family, which might be far more loving and fulfilling than his own family. He’s not that crazy about you as a forever lover, but he’s willing to “settle” because he likes the lifestyle only you can offer him.
Besides, he cares for you enough that he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and make you cry, and he doesn’t want to break the hearts of your whole family and have them think badly of him either.
He thinks you are the perfect woman in many ways, but he just doesn’t feel that spark anymore. He’s willing, for now, to sacrifice love for the practical side of life that you fulfill so well for him. Sooner or later, he’s sure he will fall in love with a great girl like you. Maybe.
Maybe you bought a car together. Maybe you got Super Mutt together when he was a puppy, and he’s too attached to leave him. Maybe you went Dutch on a bedroom or living room set. Maybe you even own a house together, and a breakup might cause him to lose a ton of money. Or perhaps you even have a child together.
Staying together for convenience or for the kids has kept a lot of couples together in a loveless, often sexless, marriage, and it can do the same for you relationship, even if you don’t know it (Well, you would probably notice the sexless part.) Moving out is a hassle, expensive and requires getting some new furniture too, so there is a big financial consequence to consider. You understand.
If you support a man, it’s like supporting a cocaine habit. No good will come of it, it’s hard to get rid of, and you’ll end up broke and in tears. If he’s truly Mr. Mom and is playing a vital role in the relationship, that’s different. But don’t fool yourself. You might be creating a lazy, dependent bum with too much idle time on his hands who will eventually bite the hand that feeds him. He’s got it made in the shade with you bringing home the bacon and rocking his world, too. If you’re also doing the housework, laundry and dishes, please send me your number.
I know, ladies: No woman has ever entered into or stayed in a relationship with a man because of the lifestyle and material perks he can offer. Women never believe the man they have will change to become the man they want him to be. And women never just get lazy and comfortable in their sweatpants and daily love affair with “The View” and “Ellen.” But men are not as perfect as the fairer sex, so be on the lookout for signs that your relationship has become more of a bad habit than a love affair.
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