When & How a Bisexual Person Should Come Out to Their Date

There’s a bit of an art to bringing up big topics during the dating process. We all know not to badmouth exes on a first date, but when do you bring up the present logistics of your divorce? You’re supposed to stay positive early on, but how do you stay cheery all the time while navigating mental health issues or illnesses?

It’s hard to find the right balance between appropriately sharing and being vulnerable. You want to let your partner in once they’ve earned your trust, but not before. 

Hard rules about sharing get tricky with topics that could be no big deal…or a relationship ender. When it comes to disclosing your bisexuality, intuiting how your partner will react to your sexual preferences is no easy task. It’s up to you to decide when you feel comfortable sharing and take that leap.

We talked to Gender Specialist Rebecca Minor, MSW, LICSW, about her advice for figuring out when to come out as bisexual in dating. “There is no universal ‘right time’ to come out as bisexual to a date — it depends on what feels right for you,” Rebecca said. “Trust your instincts, and remember that your identity is yours to share when you feel safe and comfortable.”

Still, there are important factors to consider when deciding when to bring up your sexuality, for your physical, romantic, and emotional well-being. “Coming out is a personal choice, and there is no pressure to disclose before you feel ready,” Rebecca said.

On some dating platforms, you have the option to officially tag your sexuality in your profile or, at the very least, mention it. And if you are dating more than one gender online, your profile may be tailored to all prospective matches. For many bisexual singles, this brings up the question of whether or not to put their sexuality directly on their dating profile.

“Including your bisexuality in your dating profile can help filter out potential matches who may not be accepting and create space for more authentic connections from the start,” Rebecca said.

If you include your sexuality on your profile, there’s no need to worry about a discussion later on; you start your dating and potential relationship from a baseline of understanding. For some people who are active in the queer community, including your sexuality on your profile may feel natural: It’s a big part of your life, the same as your religion, your political beliefs, or your hobbies.

On the flip side, some bisexual people may want to keep their sexuality private, whether to try to date people first without their sexuality influencing their relationships or to avoid harassment or discrimination in their local area. They may not want to put their identity on their profile, which is totally understandable.

“There is no wrong choice — do what feels best for you.”

But disclosing your sexuality on your dating profiles doesn’t need to be all or nothing. “Whether you hint at it through your language or state it outright depends on your comfort level,” Rebecca said. “Some people use inclusive language (e.g., open to all genders) while others explicitly say bisexual or queer. There is no wrong choice — do what feels best for you.”

While there’s no way to know for 100% certain that your partner will respond positively to your coming out, there are some signs that you can keep an eye out for in the early stages of dating.

Pay attention to how they discuss queer and specifically bisexual media or how they respond to LGBTQ+ political movements. Keep an eye out for queer friends and, obviously, queer people in their earlier dating history. If they seem positive about bi people and their causes, that’s a good sign that they will respond well or at least respectfully to your coming out.

There are certainly some red flags that your partner may display that can give you an indication to move on. Some red flags include “dismissive comments or jokes about bisexuality or expressing discomfort or fetishizing bisexuality,” Rebecca said. Pay attention to those “little jokes” because they can be an indication of how people really feel.

Many factors affect how your partner may feel about your coming out to them. I’ve dated bisexual men before; the conversations were quick and unremarkable. I didn’t feel much about their sexualities, and in our progressive, academic circle, their sexuality was readily accepted. People in more conservative circles may expect more difficulty.

If you do date someone who doesn’t know your sexuality going into the relationship, there comes a time when you’ll likely want to share that part of yourself. When that time comes is a matter of personal preference and the natural progression of your relationship. 

“Some people prefer to share this information early on to ensure compatibility and avoid investing time in someone who may not be accepting,” Rebecca said. “Others may choose to wait until there is a deeper connection or when the conversation naturally arises.”

Rebecca suggested that the way the conversation goes may be positively impacted by framing. “Consider framing coming out not as disclosing something negative or complicated but as inviting someone to know you more deeply,” she said. “This mindset shifts the focus from fearing judgment to embracing vulnerability, allowing you to share an important part of who you are with someone you are choosing to trust.”

Still, the conversation may not go exactly how you want. They may simply need time to process the information. 

“Consider framing coming out not as disclosing something negative or complicated but as inviting someone to know you more deeply.”

Your date might harbor negative stereotypes about bisexuality, such as supposed promiscuity or preferring one gender over the other, that you choose or choose not to address.

“Being prepared to address these misconceptions with clarity and confidence can help dispel myths, but remember, you are not obligated to educate every person you date,” Rebecca said. They may simply need time to process the information.

If the conversation doesn’t go well, you’ll want an aftercare plan in place so that you can feel supported with or without your partner’s help. Reach out to friends and the community beforehand so you’re ready to spend time with your people, even if that doesn’t include your partner.

“If faced with a negative response, remember that rejection based on your identity says more about the other person than you,” Rebecca advised. “Protect your peace, set boundaries, and don’t be afraid to walk away from someone who doesn’t respect or accept you.”

Rebecca pointed out that whether you come out to the person you’re dating or not, you can find positive support and affirmation from people with the same experience as you. Even if you’re already in queer spaces, consider finding a specifically bi+ community as well.

“The bi+ experience can be markedly different from the broader LGBTQ+ experience,” Rebecca said. “Being surrounded by people who understand your unique journey can provide comfort, validation, and valuable advice when navigating dating as a bisexual person.”

Biphobia certainly exists within the straight mainstream, but it also exists within queer circles. Bi women are regularly dismissed as “experimenting straight girls” within certain communities, which can be extremely invalidating. Being part of the broader queer community is wonderful, but it’s important to hang out with those who know exactly what you’re going through.

Additionally, it may be nice to try dating other bi+ people who understand your experience. There’s no need to explain yourselves then because you’re starting from a place of common ground. 

Just remember that there are a variety of ways to be bi and to share that information. That guy you’re dating, who you’re nervous about coming out to? He might be bi, too.

No matter your sexuality or that of your partner, the right person will love and accept you for who you are, not despite it. Date people who make you excited to share another part of yourself and make you feel supported, no matter what.