Reader Question:
I’m a very quiet guy when alone. All my friends say when people first meet me, people feel like I’m about to beat them/kill them. They say it’s the way my eyes are, but I don’t know how that makes guys so afraid of me.
I’m not bad looking, bit overweight, not particularly tall (just 5 feet 9 inches), so I don’t why this seems to drive men away in fear.
How do I stop being creepy?
-Jay
Brian Rzepczynski’s Answer:
Hi Jay!
My guess is shyness manifests itself in a tension that shows in your facial expressions and body posturing that sends the message, “Stay away!”
When we’re nervous or feel awkward in social situations, we can unconsciously throw barriers up and can give people the impression that we want to be left alone or are uninterested
This can sometimes even appear angry and menacing to others, when in reality it’s just your defenses trying to protect yourself from the discomfort of the moment.
This is totally fixable! The key is to be more conscious of your body language when interacting with others and be more intentional with your efforts to be warm and personable. Always being sure to smile with both your mouth and your eyes!
This, coupled with strengthening your social skills and learning effective relaxation techniques to help soothe anxiety, can be a winning recipe to overcome this impasse.
Practice these skills in front of a mirror and with friends, sign up for improvisational classes to help you learn to be more spontaneous and socially savvy and meet with a therapist or obtain media to help you learn stress reduction strategies.
With practice, you’ll definitely get there! All the best to you!
Dr. Brian
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